It's Time to Have "The Talk"

It's time to have The Talk with my husband. Not the diet talk.

Not the money talk.

Not even the sex talk.

It's even more delicate than all of those put together.

I never thought this day would come. Clearly, what was once a pleasant diversion has become a serious addiction. I'm afraid if he doesn't confront this issue soon, serious problems will develop in our relationship.

My husband is addicted to his electronics.

It started three years ago when got his first Blackberry. At first the easy accessibility of email and internet was little more than a lark. But within months, he was constantly checking for mail or scanning his "favorites" list for new updates. Then he discovered the convenience of using alarms as reminders for everything from taking medication to taking out the trash. Even more alluring was the ability to set different sounds for each alarm, and before long a near constant barrage of bleeps, tweets, and song snippets echoed through the house.

In the past 12 months things have escalated beyond all control. Sadly, I have to take responsibility for this myself. Last year for his birthday I bought him an iPad and since then he has become a virtual slave to Apple. From the moment he wakes to the moment he goes to sleep, the iPad (or Patty as I not-so-affectionately call her) is his faithful companion. The lure of social networks, streaming video and radio, and international shopping abilities all within the confines Patty's sleek chrome package has been too much for him. He is completely and utterly besotted.

As is Patty were not enough, last month the Droid joined his harem. The super fast, super fine Galaxy S phone replaced his old Blackberry, offering ever so many new options in speed, ease of control, and, yes, sound effects. So now Droid joins Patty at the breakfast and bedside tables, providing him with every possible element in the electronics spectrum.

The only thing he doesn't do yet (electronically speaking) is blogging. Should he start a blog, monetize it, advertise, and start counting clicks, it would be impossible to part him from his electronics.

I am at my wit's end. There's no way I can compete with the lightning speed and multiple functionality of these devices. Not to mention their attractive designs, supreme intelligence, and ease of handling. I'm beginning to feel completely useless and outdated.

My biggest fear? That somehow, someway, they'll come up with a computer that can cook. If that happens, just roll me over and call me done.

So Talk we must. "Honey," I'll say...

On second thought, maybe I should just send him an e-mail.

At least that way I'll be sure to get his attention.