It IS More Blessed

We were able to facilitate a nice surprise for our friends this weekend - not a material gift, but the unexpected gift of time with someone they loved.  Yesterday afternoon I was positively giddy with excitement about it, so happy that things had turned out just as I planned, that this couple whom we've come to care about so much would have this opportunity. "When you get older," Jim said, "you realize it's more fun to be the giver."

He's quite right.  Making someone else happy lifted my spirits, gave me a huge sense of accomplishment, and brightened my outlook on life in general.  It blessed me, in the best possible way.

Of course, I'm one of the world's biggest people pleasers.  Practically everything I do is designed to win the approval of someone or other.  It's a trait that gets me into trouble sometimes - okay, oftentimes.   But usually my people-pleasing involves me doing something I don't really want to do - like taking on extra work assignments, or joining groups, or going to restaurants I really don't like.  It's not often that I get to create my own scenario and do something purely and positively altruistic for someone else. I'm beginning to think I should look for more opportunities to do just that.  It was a huge endorphin booster, almost like a good workout on the treadmill and a lot more fun.

I've been on the receiving end of quite a bit of kindness and not just from family members.  One of the most touching experiences for me was having four of our oldest friends drive up from Ohio to attend my father in law's funeral.  For one couple, this meant putting their wedding anniversary plans on hold.  For the other, it meant giving up a family gathering.  But they set those things aside to share that time of sadness with us, and, because neither Jim nor I have brothers and sisters, our friends presence provided us with a special kind of support and strength.  That simple act made a huge impression on me, one I will never forget.

I wonder if part of the reason yesterday felt so good was not only because I was able to make some people happy, but also because it allowed me to make an impact like that on someones life.  I don't get many opportunities to leave a lasting impression.  I spend a lot of time around people who do - educators and musicians and writers.  People who change lives, who leave tangible and important evidence of their life on earth.  I admit I'd like a piece of that, of feeling as if something I did made a difference for another person, made their life better for a moment in a way they might remember for a lifetime.

Whether or not that happened this weekend is not up to me to know.  I do  know that I was really blessed by the giving, and received more than I expected.

How about you?  How have you been blessed by giving? or in receiving?

Upheaval

In the wake of today's horrible earthquake in Japan, it seems extremely frivolous to talk/write/think about anything else.  As the world becomes smaller, and our friendships expand into ever widening swaths, we become more cognizant of our common humanity and thus affected more deeply in times of tragedy.  I think of my daughter in law, who, for the past 11 years, has lived halfway around the world from her family in Thailand.  During that time, there have been floods, political revolutions, and yes, a devastating tsunami.  I think of my friends, who will soon leave for a three year sojourn in China, not knowing what events will occur in the world around them. We spread all over the world these days, globalizing our economies, our culture, our relationships.  We leave families and friends behind, embrace new lifestyles, new friendships.  Yet no matter where we're from or where we travel, our needs are essentially the same - the safety and comfort of home, and the love of family and friends.  When those are threatened or taken from us, whether by natural disaster, the whims of fate, or the ravages of time, we ache.  We grieve.  We mourn.

To paraphrase an old saying - we are far, but yet so near.  Near in heart and mind are the people of Japan, and all those who love them.

Another Year Older

Last week while we were on my annual Florida idyll, my friend M. and I hit the movie theater several times.  Neither one of us every goes to the movies at home, citing lack of time.  Generally I'm happy to wait for the DVD release so I can curl up on the couch and watch the film in my jammies. But when you're faced with six lovely days to fill, we figured we had  time to spend catching up on the shows. After all, there's only so much Florida sunshine a girl can take, right?

We went to three films, at three different cineplex.  There are some very nice movie theaters in Naples, particularly The Silver Spot, where you choose your own seat when you purchase the ticket, a huge brown leather armchair complete with cupholder and footrest.

Tickets are a little pricey in Naples, as is most everything else in this resort town which caters to older, wealthy Floridians.  Matinee tickets range from $7.50 to $10.50, which seems like a lot to me, since I remember going to lots of $2.50 movies back here in "the D."  Of course, that was in the olden days, when I was young.

My friend is a bona fide senior citizen, although she hardly looks or acts the part of a mid-septagenarian. But she happily asks for the senior ticket at the box office, although it doesn't buy her much of a discount in Naples where the richest people actually are the senior citizens.

Usually I buy the regular adult ticket.  I'm still seven years (and one day) away from the official, government sanctioned version of the designation.  So I'm always my usual kosher self, and play by the rules.

The other day though, I tried an experiment, although I was immediately sorry about it.

We were at the Regal Cinemas to see The Adjustment Bureau.  It was a cloudy Sunday afternoon, so lots of people had turned out to see the latest Matt Damon release.  Tickets here were relatively cheap - $7.50 for seniors, and $8.50 for adults.  I stood in line behind M., who purchased her $7.50 senior ticket and walked into the theater ahead of me.

I walked up to the ticket window and requested "One, for The Adjustment Bureau."

"That will be "$7.50," he told me, barely glancing at me as he pushed my paper ticket under the window ledge of the box office.

He gave me the senior ticket without asking.

He took one look at me and just gave me the senior ticket.

S*#!.

I'm wasn't really surprised.  I feel tired and old lately, so I'm sure I look it, too.  I had done my hair that day, although the still breeze that's always blowing off the Gulf continues to wreak havoc with my thick wavy locks.  I was wearing makeup, and dressed decently.  I know I shouldn't care whether a teenager thinks I'm old enough to be his grandmother - which I am NOT, by the way.

But still.  S*#!.

Tomorrow is my birthday, and until the last five years, I've never minded being another year older.  Of course as a kid, I couldn't wait for it - wanted to grow up and be an adult just as fast as I possibly could.  And most of the time, being an adult is just fine and dandy.  But sometimes, I'd prefer not to be quite so much of one.

I might like to hold onto my "youth" for just a while longer, even if it costs me an extra dollar at the movies.

Research Material

Research is formalized curiosity.  It is poking and prying with a purpose.  ~Zora Neale Hurston

I've been reading a mystery series based on a character named Maisie Dobbs, a young woman investigator/psychologist who practices in London during the years just after World War I.  The author, Jacqueline Winspear, developed an interest in this era after hearing about her grandfather's experiences in that war, and how he was affected by shell shock.  The novels are extremely well researched, and each one illuminates many interesting aspects of society and culture during this particular time in history.

Writing - even fiction writing - often involves research.  If you have a particular interest in a subject  or historical era,  you'll need research to help you create an accurate portrayal in your story or essay.  Sometimes the research itself will give you ideas for writing.   As you read through newspapers and magazines, see if something sparks your interest, or plants the seed of an idea or character.

Research is not just for term papers.  It can provide fresh material for all kinds of writing

On the Wheel

Our week here in southern Florida is over, so I'm preparing myself for the familiar re-entry process - getting out of relaxation mode and back onto the hamster wheel otherwise known as daily life.  I should be accustomed to that by now - after all, we flit back and forth every four to six weeks, so every winter is rather like an extended schizophrenic episode ~ warm breezes/beach walks ~ frigid winds/slippery sidewalks. But I'm flummoxed every time, and it's probably because I'm still not sure exactly which lifestyle is the right one for me.  I mean, somewhere in between the endless unplanned hours of the past week and the obligation filled days of the weeks ahead of me, lies the lifestyle I'm looking for.

How often do we get to choose the life we want? The one with just the perfect balance of time for our own pursuits and time spent in doing things we have to do?  The perfect balance between work and leisure?

I know it's unrealistic to expect that everyday life can be the perfect mix of work and play - at least not every day.  It's when ones life is completely out of balance (either way) that the trouble sets in.  My Facebook status last night echoed the hamster wheel concept, and a comment from one of my very clever friends said, "Life has to be about more than squeak, squeak, squeak..."

She's so right.  We all need productive work or at least productive pastimes.  We all need something to goad us into getting out of bed in the morning.  But we also need time to rest, to play, to simply be with ourselves for company.  I'm convinced that a happy life has all of those elements, and that each individual needs them in completely different measure.  Goldilocks had the concept down pat -the porridge must not be too hot, or too cold, but just right.

So as I start sprinting on my little wheel, here's hoping I can find the "just right"  balance for the days ahead.