Social Networking, Part Two

Although it's been quiet here on the blog-front, I've actually been rather pre-occupied this week doing more  "social networking."  My friend M. and I are spending our annual "girls week" in Florida, a tradition we started eight years ago, and one that has become sacrosanct for both of us. What do we do?  Mostly what you'd expect two ladies of a certain age to do when left alone in a resort town.  We eat, we drink, we sit in the sun, we read,  we shop, we go to the movies.

We talk.

Yesterday, we saw The King's Speech - first time for M., second time for me.  I don't see a lot of movies, and  I rarely watch a movie twice in the same season, but I was happy to attend a repeat viewing on this one. It was a stellar film in all respects, and won well-deserved awards.

Today, after a lovely lunch and some shopping, we saw The Black Swan.  Hmm.  That was a horse of a different color.  Natalie Portman was astounding in her role of the psychopathic ballerina.  Her self destructive behavior and its psychological basis was eerily reminiscent of a young woman I'm acquainted with in real life (although not yet to that extreme, thank goodness).  It was definitely not the "feel good" kind of film that M. and I usually gravitate toward - but we both agreed we were glad to have seen it.

We had dinner tonight at Patric's, a local restaurant that has instituted a tapas style menu in a cozy dining room, complete with entertainment- tonight, it was 1940's showtunes played on a vintage upright piano. The small plates were perfect for the two of us, neither of whom are big eaters.  After dinner, M. did quite a bit of shopping in a little boutique called Just 4 Dolls, which featured a huge selection of outfits and accessories for American Girl dolls.  Believe me, her granddaughter's new American Girl will be dressed to the "nines".

On the docket for the days ahead - an art fair, a choral concert, people watching in downtown Naples.  The weather has been more than cooperative, with the sunshine and balmy breezes that make Florida such a popular destination for winter weary mid-westerners.

It's a good tradition we started those years ago.  I'm glad we've had another year to continue it.

How about you?  Do you have any special traditions with your social network?

First Lines

When the lights went off, the accompanist kissed her."  from Bel Canto, by Ann Patchett

The first line of this novel grabbed me immediately...partly because I'm an accompanist myself, and that word doesn't show up in novels very often.  But this sentence immediately created an image in my head - not only an image, but an entire scene is set by those nine words.  You can hear the singer's last note, ringing through the hall, see the lights suddenly go dark, feel the accompanist's excitement as he jumps up from the piano and kisses the performer.

First lines are the way a writer grabs the reader from the get-go.  Go through your favorite novels and read the first lines.  Which ones are the most interesting?  How do they get you involved in the book and make you excited to read more?  Set aside one section of your writer's notebook for favorite first lines.

Now pick one of your favorite first lines and make it your own - write for 10 minutes using this favorite first line as a starting place.

Social Network

If you visit here very often, you've probably guessed that I'm something of an introvert, happy with just me, myself, and I for company. I reach out to people most often through words on this space, and recently, on that most ubiquitous of social networks, Facebook.  It takes an effort for me to initiate social contact, and so, in a life that sometimes seems overloaded with things requiring effort, I allow my social life to languish. Yesterday was a marked change in that usualness, a day brim full with unexpected social networking.  Early in the day, I met two long-time blogging friends for lunch.  In the five years that I've been blogging, this was the first time I had ever met any member of that particular network face-to-face.  It was such a delight, to hear the real voices of these two women whose writerly voices have whispered in my ear so often.  We talked about blogging, how we came to it, why we continue with it (or not).  We talked about life in general, our own lives in particular.  We finished each other's sentences on occasion, and exclaimed in resounding recognition of each other's feelings.  "Me too!" and "Yes, I know!" were frequently heard throughout the conversation.

And then last night two friends from church came to the house, friends who have just returned from China where they picked the place they will live for the next three years.  I wrote about them here, this adventure on which they are about to embark, and how filled with awe I am at the thought of making such a major change in lifestyle at our age.  Although I'm saddened by their departure from our little circle of friends,  I am emboldened by their courage and their willingness to embrace a new challenge.  Their social network is about to be turned completely on its head, and will doubtless expand in a myriad of unimaginable ways.

At lunch yesterday, we talked a bit about one's circle of friends, and how the social network tends to shrink with the years.  I've seen that happen with my mother, how as she has lost one friend and relative after another, she's had no means of replacing them, so her entire social life revolves around us and one neighbor.  The older we get, the greater the effort it is to keep the network healthy and vibrant.

But I'm beginning to realize how important it is to make that effort, especially for people whose family is miniscule.  While it's easy for an introvert like me to stay inside the safe shell of my comfort zone, it can also be lonely, a loneliness that I don't always recognize, but which may manifest itself in other ways.

It's not always easy to make new relationships.  The internet provides one avenue down which to explore, a place to meet other like minded people from all over the world.  It's a miraculous thing - but it's also a little bit dangerous, especially for someone who finds it easier to remain tucked away in a little cubbyhole.  Because as fascinating and easy as it is to develop a relationship of sorts online, it is ever so much more satisfying to share that relationship through personal contact.  I realized that yesterday afternoon, communing with my friends over Sacher torte and big mugs of coffee, and last night, sipping wine and looking at photos of some other friends new home in China.

Today, I'm back in my easy chair, surfing the internet, Magic and Molly my only companions.  But it's good to know my social network extends beyond the realm of this room and this computer screen, and into the wider world where it belongs.

How about you?  What's your social network like?

Dreamweaver

My son and daughter in law got the keys to their dream house today.  It's a large and lovely home in the suburbs of Dallas - a place large enough to hold all the dreams they've been cherishing in the months since they began planning this move from their first home in southern Florida.  They've been giddy with excitement, and who can blame them?  A new home in a new city, new places to explore and new friends to share it all with.  Sounds pretty dreamy to me. I've heard it said that "dreams are wasted on the young."  I don't entirely believe that, at least not in their case.  They're actually planners even more than they are dreamers, and don't go into any dreams without first carefully plotting their course to make sure they have a fighting chance at success.  As a parent, it's enjoyable and educational to watch them set about making their dreams come true.  Such grit and determination!  Fate barely stands a chance at thwarting them.

Of course, there are some dreams that remain elusive, irrespective of the amount of effort put forth.  I suspect most of us have one or two of those, tucked away in our heart of hearts.  As we age, it's easy to forget about those dreams, let them sink deep into the recesses of our soul.  We get busy with all the details of life, with trying to stay afloat in the ever choppier seas around us, and let those dreams fade away from our thoughts.

As I shift my focus from struggling to seeking, I recall some of the ancient dreams which have been  gathering dust in the corners of my heart.   Gingerly, I pick them up and examine them, peering closely for signs of life - a tiny pulse of encouragement, a spark of excitement.  As I poke around in those forgotten corners, I might even unearth some tiny seeds of new dreams, needing only a little love and attention to blossom.

Dreams are never solitary - they weave in and out of our lives like the finest spun silks, intertwining on their journey until they create a beautiful tapestry.  I'm hoping to become my own dreamweaver once again, to reacquaint myself with some old, beloved dreams and see if they might have a place in my future.

How about you? Do you have some dreams lying dormant in your heart?  Is it time to uncover them and weave them back into your life?

Seek and Ye Shall Find

I've written a lot about struggling this winter, the word I've chosen to describe how I feel.    Struggling, like a small animal mired in quicksand, its tiny head barely above the ravenous muck threatening to pull it under. When I was a child, I would sometimes see a beetle bug on its back, working its legs furiously in an attempt to right itself.  I would watch in empathetic horror, mustering my courage to touch it with the tip of my fingernail and turn it over where it would stand, breathless and amazed, before scuttling off into it's life.

So struggle is what life has felt like.  I wrote about it to make sense of where I am with it, and, as so often happens, the power of words worked within me to help me see things I've never seen before, like the touch of an unknown fingertip gently nudging me right side up once again.

And so I come to change the word I use to describe my situation, a change that expresses not defeat but hope.  For I've realized what I  must now be about is seeking, looking for what I want rather than flailing helplessly against what already is.

Changing the word you use to think about your situation makes a huge difference.  Today, when I start to feel sucked under by struggle, I remind myself to look outward at the horizon, like the ancient explorers of old standing on the prow of their vessel, hand to forehead shielding their eyes from the sun.  I'm  scanning for  positive changes to make in the future, rather than wallowing in the sorrows and frustrations of the present moment.

I don't expect the change to be instant, I don't expect to be completely free from the struggles that have weighed me down.  But I've at least started to define them, and in so doing, begun to set myself free of them.

Most importantly, I've started to think about seeking a different future.

I'll let you know what I find.