Write On Wednesday: Too Little Too Late

NPR featured my book on the air today. The one I was supposed to write. The one that I've had ideas about for years. The one that was tailor made for me.

It was the book I was supposed to write - but didn't. Because I was too busy writing medical reports, or doing press releases for volunteer groups, or going grocery shopping and doing the laundry. Because I was more interested in playing around on Facebook or following links on Twitter than sitting in my writing chair. Because I chose to go out to lunch with friends rather than do research at the library.

It was the book I wanted to write - but didn't. Because I was afraid I wasn't smart enough. Because I was scared people might laugh at me. Because I feared the topic wasn't important enough.

It was the book I should have written - but didn't.

So someone else wrote it.

NPR gave me more than another book to add to my to-be-read list (and read it I will, this book I should have written but didn't). NPR also gave me a serious wake up call. All these writing ideas that keep pestering me are doing so for a reason. They're trying to prod me out of my complacency, stir me from my slovenly slumber, and imploring me to take this writing thing seriously.

It's now or never.

 

How about you? Have you ever gotten a writing wake up call? 

 

 

Sleep Cycle

woman-who-cant-sleepI have an elaborate bedtime ritual, and I'm totally OCD about it. There's good reason for that. The act of falling asleep is the most delicate of all transactions for me. One false step, one thing out of place on the road to dreamland, and I will be awake until the wee hours of the morning.

It's been happening a lot lately. Like last night. A thunderstorm woke me at 1:30 and I spent the next three hours in restless sleep.

I did get some writing done. You can read the fruits of my midnight labor here.

How are you sleeping these days?

The Sunday Salon: The Woman Upstairs - Finding Friends Between the Covers

The Sunday Salon.comNovelist Claire Messud was in the news recently when her testy reply to an interviewer from Publisher's Weekly provoked some debate among the literati. The interviewer commented  something to the effect that she "wouldn't want to be friends with Nora (the main character in Messud's new novel, The Woman Upstairs) because her "outlook was unbearably grim." Messud's response was thought provoking: "If  you’re reading to find friends, you’re in deep trouble," she told the interviewer. "We read to find life, in all its possibilities. The relevant question isn’t ‘Is this a potential friend for me?’ but ‘Is this character alive?’ ” woman upstairsThe question seems to have taken Messud aback, but I know where the interviewer was coming from. I recently finished this novel which I found quite brilliant. I actually could see myself being friends- or at least friendly - with Nora. Most women I know can relate to Messud's concept of the The Woman Upstairs - the one who quietly takes care of others, follows the rules, puts her own needs on hold for the greater good of her family, her colleagues, her friends. Nora is angry about the way her life has turned out, and she is very outspoken about her anger. "My anger is prodigious," she says in the last pages of the book. "My anger is a colossus. I’m angry enough, at last, to stop being afraid of life, and angry enough … before I die to fucking well live. Just watch me.”

So while I  don't read to find friends per se, I do want to find someone in every book with whom I can be sympathetic, someone I understand on some level, someone who is relatable enough that I can picture myself sharing coffee and conversation with them on some imaginary occasion. Perhaps that part of what Messud was trying to get across? If an author can make their characters come alive, make them three-dimensional so that the reader relates to them on a myriad of life levels, then the relationship between writer-character-reader is much more complete.

I wonder if this isn't all part of a necessary schism between writer and reader. The writer wants to create characters with something to say, with something to demonstrate about life; while the reader tends to gravitate toward characters with whom they can relate, that make them feel - if not comfortable - than at least comparable.

I don't think there's anything wrong with that - the writer and reader have separate roles in this thing we call The Reading LIfe, and they usually join together quite nicely for a satisfactory experience all round.

Forty Year Old Canned Fruit, and a Word of Advice

There's a fruit cellar in the basement of our old house in Redford, right at the foot of the stairs. My father in law bought the property in 1949 when the neighborhood was nothing more than a large apple orchard, being sold off in parcels for eventual development. For two years he had his own little farm on the land, selling the fruits and vegetables he harvested from the trunk of his car to his co-workers at the Chrysler Assembly Plant in downtown Detroit. In 1952, he built the house, and I imagine that adding a basement fruit cellar was a big priority in the planning. My father in law was a farmer through and through, so like a photographer needs a darkroom or a dancer needs a barre and mirror, he needed a fruit cellar to contain the "fruits" of his labors. SAMSUNGI always hated that fruit cellar. When my in-laws moved out and we moved in, they left behind a number of useful things...like appliances and furniture, stuff all newlyweds need and are happy to have provided for them. But they also left behind a lot of junk, stuff we couldn't get rid of while they were living, and by the time they died we were too busy or too tired to care about it. Over the 37 years we lived there, naturally we added our own stuff to the mix. In the fruit cellar, along with odd assortments of dishware, some old easter baskets with fake grass spilling out, an ancient rotary telephone, and some musty books, there were still a few jars of fruit my mother in law had canned sitting on the top shelf, the year it was placed there scrawled underneath in my father-in-law's handwriting.

During this past week the entire remaining contents of our old house have been removed. The upstairs rooms were mostly cleared already, but the basement and garage - repositories of six decades worth of stuff - are now completely empty.

Including the fruit cellar.

Over the past few months I've completed a major purge of our possessions, paring down the contents of two homes to fit into one 1900 square foot condominium. It's not been easy, but is HAS been incredibly freeing. I literally feel 100 pounds lighter without the burden of all that STUFF.

Don't get me wrong, it was difficult as hell to get rid of things that were an integral part of your life for almost four decades. How to decide which of your child's school papers and drawings to keep and which to toss? How to choose which paintings from the walls will work in the new house? How to grapple with the fact that your circa 1973 stereo equipment is worth more (financially) than your baby grand piano?

Since I turned 50, I've had a real sea change in my feelings about possessions. No longer  do I crave the latest fashion in clothes, or a purse to match every pair of shoes. I'm don't care about souvenir coffee cups from the places I visit. It doesn't matter if I have different placemats for every season, or a different teapot for every day of the week. I have moved out of the collecting phase of my life and into the dispersing stage, knowing that as we age, we need less and less to survive, and that possessions are not what make us happy.

As I went through everything we owned, picking and choosing what to keep, the things that consistently ended up in the Save piles were photographs, jewelry, and books.

Photographs are obvious - they capture moments in time, moments that were obviously important enough to preserve. They reflect the essence of people at all stages of their lives. They are incredibly meaningful to me.

My relationship with jewelry goes back to preschool days when I asked for a ring for my 5th birthday. My uncle bought me a tiny gold ring with and aquamarine stone in it. I wore it all the time, loved seeing it on my chubby little finger while I typed stories on the old Smith Corolla in the attic. I developed a nervous habit of taking it off and chewing it, so the band is slightly dented in the back, making it uncomfortable to wear.

Yes, I still have it, and it does fit on my baby finger.

As for books- you all know how I feel about books. But I will say that I must have donated 200 books to the library over the past six months. But I also saved out a selection of children's books that belonged to my son during his lifetime, books that I've begun to pass on to my grandson, who is a true bookworm just like has grandma.

So for those of you who are still in the collecting phase, my advice to you is start thinking about what really matters in your life, what are the things you want to carry into old age with you. Will it be trendy outfits or cute figurines from the gift shop? Will you find smoothie makers and cupcake makers and coffeemakers to be essential to the life you want to live?

Or will it be things that have memory and meaning attached, things that evoke a person, time, or place, things that reflect who you've become and how you got there?

Certainly 40 year old canned fruit doesn't fit into any of those categories.

 

 

 

Write On Wednesday: Take it Easy On Yourself

I love lists. List Making TimeI have an elaborate system of list-making that involves pretty file folders, colored paper, and 4x6 index cards. Each file folder contains a weekly list of action items for different areas of my life: Daily Living, Office Work, Volunteer Work, and (of course) Writing. Every Sunday night I sit down at my dining room table, turn on some quiet mood music, pour myself a glass of wine,  fan out my lists and folders, and plan my week.

When I told one of my friends about this system, her reaction was modified horror. "It makes me crazy to think about being that organized," she said.

Truth is, sometimes it makes me a little crazy too. I have a tendency to panic when I look at my lists on Thursday or Friday and not enough items have been crossed off. Then I move into frantic mode, and everybody better step back.

For the past several months, my Writing List has contained six items: Book reviews, Author Interview questions, blog posts, ideas to propose to my editor at All Things Girl, and The Novel Project. I've  assigned myself a posting schedule for this blog and for contributions to All Things Girl and Medium, thinking I needed the structure of deadlines, even if they are self-imposed and arbitrary.

Having a schedule comforts me, because it gives me the illusion of being In Control.

Americans pride ourselves on productivity, and that very word has been at the top of my Goal List for several months. Be more productive, I admonish myself when I'm making that weekly writing list, chiding myself for essays left unwritten, research left undone. I've been equating getting things done with being happy. Yes, it makes me happy to cross things off the list, but I'm learning that sometimes it's alright -  desirable, even - to ease up on the need to structure and organize and control. It's alright to let soft summer breezes seduce me into the garden, alright to take a morning off and visit the Farmer's Market in town, alright to sprawl out in my lawn chair and read a magazine. The resulting sense of warmth and well-being brings me peace, and that's more liable to make me happy and more creative  than a mad dash through my to-do list.

Especially in summer (when, according to George Gershwin, the living is easy and the cotton is high) it's alright to take it easy on myself.

How about you? Are you taking it easy on yourself this summer or going full steam ahead? Do you think that slowing down and savoring life boosts creativity or is counter-productive?