And He’s Back

The Ahh-nold, that is. Rumor has it that Arnold Schwarzenegger and about to be ex-wife Maria Shriver are in marriage counseling and attempting to save their marriage. In case you don’t recall, it became known about a year ago that Arnold was involved in a long standing affair with the family’s housekeeper, one that produced a son who is now a young teenager about the same age as Arnold and Maria’s youngest child. Shriver promptly ditched the actor/politician and threw herself into media and writing projects that placed her clearly in the public eye as a symbol of the empowered woman. But lately the couple has been photographed around some of their favorite haunts, and the gossip columns are all atwitter.

I first heard about this while reading through this week’s copy of Newseek magazine. Rebecca Dana, writer of the Social Diaries column, opened the piece with this line - “Don’t do it, Maria!"

It is a little hard to reconcile the thought of this very strong, intelligent, independent and attractive woman returning to a man who betrayed her trust and humiliated her in so publicly. After all, Shriver certainly can’t need the financial support, nor should she lack for male companionship. So why return to a relationship with this man who clearly has so little respect for her or their marriage?

“She must think she’s a saint,” my husband said offhandedly, when I mentioned it to him over morning coffee.

He could be on to something.

Shriver, daughter of Eunice Kennedy and “Sargeant” Shriver, comes from a long line of women who steadfastly took a backseat in their marriages to powerful  men. That, plus her strict Catholic heritage and a family tradition of dedication to a higher standard, makes her a prime candidate for personal sainthood. Perhaps some part of Shriver thinks that putting her feelings aside and taking this moral high ground of attempting to save her marriage is another accomplishment to add to her application for sainthood - or even martyrdom.

Sadly, one has the sense that this whole episode cost Schwarzenegger nothing. Other than a moment’s notariety, which in this case was probably more like a feather in his good-old-boy’s club cap, and the pang of “getting caught,” he’s gotten off scott free.

Certainly it’s not my business to judge Shriver, whatever her motives. Because of my parent’s experience, I have seen the effects of infidelity in a marriage. But I also know that being in love with someone is hugely complicated, and that having a long history of family life with another person creates bonds that aren’t easily forsaken.

I would only wish that whatever Maria does, she does with her own well being in mind, and not from some deep seated sense of duty or expectancy. Otherwise, she’s setting herself up for more pain and suffering.

Sometimes the price of sainthood is just too dear.

How about you? Do you think Maria should “take him back”?

Happy (Birth) Day

Six years ago today, I hit “publish” on my first blog post. Starting a blog was a birthday present to myself. It was the year I turned 50, I was feeling slightly depressed about it, and so I gave myself the gift of a writing platform to cheer myself up. I never imagined that I would enjoy it nearly so much, that I would meet so many interesting people, that I would continue doing it for six years (with no plans to stop), or start two more blogs.

I’m not in the mood to wax pathetic poetic about the anniversary of my birth. Suffice to say, with the number of people I know in my age group battling serious illness, I’m just happy to be alive and kicking. If I could wish for any one thing today, it would be to kiss my grandson’s velvety soft cheek and see his amazing little smile. But just knowing he is in the world is a gift of such amazing proportion, I hardly dare wish for anything more.

My husband made coffee for me this morning, and I’m happy to have time to drink it in my favorite reading chair whilst being bathed in early spring sunlight.  I’m happy to have a free day in front of me, happy to have friends sending me cards and greetings of all kinds. I’m happy to have this tiny corner of the world where I can write the musings of my heart and invite people to come by to read them and to share their own musings in return.

Thank you all being among that number.

Hear Me Roar

I am woman, hear me roar In numbers too big to ignore And I know too much to go back an' pretend 'cause I've heard it all before And I've been down there on the floor No one's ever gonna keep me down again.  from the song I Am Woman

It was 1972 when singer Helen Reddy recorded that song, and the sentiments were considered mighty militant in those days. I was barely into high school, but was proudly waving my little teenage flag for Women’s Rights.  I had big plans to roar in those days, to be something my mother and grandmother never had the opportunity to be.

No one was gonna keep me down, that was for sure.

The Women’s Movement (as it was called back then) sparked the kinds of changes in society that allowed women of my generation the ability to walk into courtrooms and operating rooms and board rooms carrying tools of the trade instead of cups of coffee. It gave women control over their bodies and the power to make decisions about their physical and mental health. In the space of one generation it became “normal" for women to work outside of the home at any career they chose. It became legal for women to maintain control of their reproductive system. The women of the 1960’s and 1970’s extended the work of their Suffragette Sisters and took women’s rights several bold steps into the future.

That’s a lot of change in one generation. And because I saw how quickly that occurred, how it began with a lot of “big talk” by women intent on taking control of their lives for once, I have to admit I’m more than a little frightened by things that are happening right now which could force the pendulum back in the other direction. There’s a lot of “big talk” out there again, but this time it’s not being spoken by women but instead by men who would like nothing better than to put women “back in their place.”

And while it’s easy to slough off comments of people like Rush Limbaugh, who have no real power other than the power we give him by listening to his pompous drivel, it’s not so easy to disregard the sentiments of people like Rick Santorum, Rick Perry, and Mitt Romney. These are men who have the potential for great power, who have huge followings and huge bank accounts, and legions of people willing to do their bidding. Give these men a foot in the door and it could set in motion the kind of change that would destroy everything women have gained in the past three decades.

The young women of my son’s generation - those in their 20’s and 30’s - have never lived in a time when women didn’t have the opportunities they have today. They can’t imagine the kind of work life my mother-in-law had as an Executive Secretary in the Ford Motor Company World Headquarters, where she referred to herself as “Mr. Smith’s girl,” and was required to wear dresses and high heels to the office each day. They can’t fathom being denied admission to medical school on the basis of gender.

It’s easy to take those kinds of freedoms for granted and become complacent about changes in society that have been to your benefit for so long.

But society changes all the time, and something that was deemed progress by one generation can just as well be deemed regression by another.

I’m thinking it may be time for women to start practicing their roar once again.

We really do know too much to go back and pretend.

Well Trodden Paths

A friend was describing his numerous expeditions climbing Mt. Rainier, one of which was undertaken at night. Climbing a mountain like that already seems terrifying and I cannot fathom doing it in the dark. But apparently that's the best way because the light on your helmet only allows you to see a limited distance ahead - enough to provide you with the information you need to proceed, but not so much that you become paralyzed with fear. Sometimes I think that's the way I should proceed through life - in the dark with a small beam of light pointed directly ahead. Seems the older I get, the more I focus on the big picture to the point that I become paralyzed with fear and can't move at all. I'm always looking into the future, thinking that if I do this, than that could happen. If I go here, then I won't be able to go there. If I say one thing, some one down the road could say another.

This is nothing new for me, but my reactions intensify with age as my awareness of time limitations increases. I'm 55 years old (until Friday, at least) so if I'm lucky I probably have about 25 years of independent living left. There's not a lot of time for major do-overs, people. The pressure is on to make the right decisions now.

My mountain climbing friend happens to be a minister, and so he uses the story as an analogy of faith. He also talks about following in the footsteps of those who have climbed ahead of him. There is a well-trodden path up that mountain, he says, and seeing the pathway others have navigated successfully helps the climber find his own way as well.

I find myself searching for pathways right now, looking for someone who has walked this way before and can help me forge ahead toward the next steps on my journey. Where should I be making my home? What should I be doing for my family that could  help them the most? How can I make the best use of my time and talents?

How can I get to the top of the mountain before it's too late?

Kerstin has been dealing with some of these same issues which she relates on her blog, Conversations Over Soup. We're both trying to find our path up a mountain side of change, and feeling confused and pressured about making good choices. It's been nice to commiserate with someone else who is also feeling their way rather blindly up life's craggy cliffs. Alas, all too often I feel as if I'm following the path of Jesus, who, according to the old spiritual "knew He must walk this lonesome valley, He must walk it by himself."

I think it would be ever so nice to have a hand to hold along the way. Or at the very least, a set of footprints to follow.

How about you? Have you successfully climbed any mountains lately?

Friday...Finally!

It's been an oddly long week, considering we didn't get back into our regular routine until Tuesday. The past four days haven't exactly sped by - certainly not like the four previous days that were chock full of fun times with Mr. Connor, who grows by leaps and bounds and now greets you with smiles, burbles, and coos. How much do I love that???

It's been a busy week, so it wasn't for lack of activity that time seemed to drag. March is turning out to be the most hectic month in quite some time. I have three performances for the middle school (spent all day in rehearsal there yesterday), a benefit concert with Classical Bells (so still rehearsing every Monday), and some accompanying for a musical my friend is directing (spent three hours there on Tuesday). Plus, as of today, I've agreed to return to my former job as a part time consultant. In the midst of all this are five days travel to Arizona to visit another friend.

Buzz, buzz (the proverbial busy bee...)

Today I spent the afternoon in a meeting with my former boss and two of the four people that were hired to replace me. (Think about that for a moment.) At any rate, the woman who was originally hired to fill my position has resigned, so there is a bit of a scramble to get the other members of the department up to snuff in terms of procedures. Since they've only been working there three or four months, there is a lot for them to learn and absorb.

I was happy to learn that my assistance was not being sought for administrative duties, but as a consultant to "fine tune" the writing. Honestly, after just a few moments discussion today about the spreadsheets and timetables, I could feel my stomach tying itself knots again and my heart start fluttering in my chest. "Run!" my body was telling me. "Don't get sucked back into the vortex of paper shuffling!"

But I think I can handle editing and helping the new writers refine their skills for a few hours each week. Also, it's nice to see my friends in the office on occasion as well. As I've discussed before, social relationships are what make so many of our activities worthwhile, especially work activities which can sometimes be less than satisfactory in other ways.

Since I left in June, the company has moved into new digs just down that road that provide twice as much space. Everyone now has their own office with walls and a door, and most of the offices have windows. It's a far cry from the crowded cubicle laden work space we had been using for the past 15 years.

But finally it's Friday. The weekend will be a quiet one, and we plan to finish off all the programs queued up on our TiVo for the past couple of weeks. (Like the Downton Abby finale which I've never yet watched!)

Nothing spectacular, for sure, but something comforting to look forward to after a long week.

How about you? What's on tap for your weekend?