Well Trodden Paths

A friend was describing his numerous expeditions climbing Mt. Rainier, one of which was undertaken at night. Climbing a mountain like that already seems terrifying and I cannot fathom doing it in the dark. But apparently that's the best way because the light on your helmet only allows you to see a limited distance ahead - enough to provide you with the information you need to proceed, but not so much that you become paralyzed with fear. Sometimes I think that's the way I should proceed through life - in the dark with a small beam of light pointed directly ahead. Seems the older I get, the more I focus on the big picture to the point that I become paralyzed with fear and can't move at all. I'm always looking into the future, thinking that if I do this, than that could happen. If I go here, then I won't be able to go there. If I say one thing, some one down the road could say another.

This is nothing new for me, but my reactions intensify with age as my awareness of time limitations increases. I'm 55 years old (until Friday, at least) so if I'm lucky I probably have about 25 years of independent living left. There's not a lot of time for major do-overs, people. The pressure is on to make the right decisions now.

My mountain climbing friend happens to be a minister, and so he uses the story as an analogy of faith. He also talks about following in the footsteps of those who have climbed ahead of him. There is a well-trodden path up that mountain, he says, and seeing the pathway others have navigated successfully helps the climber find his own way as well.

I find myself searching for pathways right now, looking for someone who has walked this way before and can help me forge ahead toward the next steps on my journey. Where should I be making my home? What should I be doing for my family that could  help them the most? How can I make the best use of my time and talents?

How can I get to the top of the mountain before it's too late?

Kerstin has been dealing with some of these same issues which she relates on her blog, Conversations Over Soup. We're both trying to find our path up a mountain side of change, and feeling confused and pressured about making good choices. It's been nice to commiserate with someone else who is also feeling their way rather blindly up life's craggy cliffs. Alas, all too often I feel as if I'm following the path of Jesus, who, according to the old spiritual "knew He must walk this lonesome valley, He must walk it by himself."

I think it would be ever so nice to have a hand to hold along the way. Or at the very least, a set of footprints to follow.

How about you? Have you successfully climbed any mountains lately?

Friday...Finally!

It's been an oddly long week, considering we didn't get back into our regular routine until Tuesday. The past four days haven't exactly sped by - certainly not like the four previous days that were chock full of fun times with Mr. Connor, who grows by leaps and bounds and now greets you with smiles, burbles, and coos. How much do I love that???

It's been a busy week, so it wasn't for lack of activity that time seemed to drag. March is turning out to be the most hectic month in quite some time. I have three performances for the middle school (spent all day in rehearsal there yesterday), a benefit concert with Classical Bells (so still rehearsing every Monday), and some accompanying for a musical my friend is directing (spent three hours there on Tuesday). Plus, as of today, I've agreed to return to my former job as a part time consultant. In the midst of all this are five days travel to Arizona to visit another friend.

Buzz, buzz (the proverbial busy bee...)

Today I spent the afternoon in a meeting with my former boss and two of the four people that were hired to replace me. (Think about that for a moment.) At any rate, the woman who was originally hired to fill my position has resigned, so there is a bit of a scramble to get the other members of the department up to snuff in terms of procedures. Since they've only been working there three or four months, there is a lot for them to learn and absorb.

I was happy to learn that my assistance was not being sought for administrative duties, but as a consultant to "fine tune" the writing. Honestly, after just a few moments discussion today about the spreadsheets and timetables, I could feel my stomach tying itself knots again and my heart start fluttering in my chest. "Run!" my body was telling me. "Don't get sucked back into the vortex of paper shuffling!"

But I think I can handle editing and helping the new writers refine their skills for a few hours each week. Also, it's nice to see my friends in the office on occasion as well. As I've discussed before, social relationships are what make so many of our activities worthwhile, especially work activities which can sometimes be less than satisfactory in other ways.

Since I left in June, the company has moved into new digs just down that road that provide twice as much space. Everyone now has their own office with walls and a door, and most of the offices have windows. It's a far cry from the crowded cubicle laden work space we had been using for the past 15 years.

But finally it's Friday. The weekend will be a quiet one, and we plan to finish off all the programs queued up on our TiVo for the past couple of weeks. (Like the Downton Abby finale which I've never yet watched!)

Nothing spectacular, for sure, but something comforting to look forward to after a long week.

How about you? What's on tap for your weekend? 

Write On Wednesday: Toolkit

In the neighborhood where I grew up, there was an old-fashioned hardware store within walking distance of our house. Well, it would seem old-fashioned now, when most of us purchase our gadgets and gewgaws at huge warehouse type places like Home Depot or Lowe's where you must walk 10 miles on cement floors and peruse nine millions layers of plastic packages before you find just the right five-dollar pair of screws for the job.

At our little hardware store in Melvindale, Michigan, all the nails, nuts, and bolts were tossed into bins up and down the narrow aisleways. You could pick a handful if you liked, or just one if that were all you needed, and put them into tiny paper bags.

When I was a toddler, I loved going to the hardware store almost as much as I loved going to the drugstore and looking at magazines. All those shiny objects in so many sizes and shapes were great fun to look at. The man who owned the store knew my father and grandfather, and enjoyed watching me sink my chubby little hands into the mounds of steel and iron. Perhaps he wasn't quite so enthusiastic the time I took home a pocketful - but he forgave me nonetheless.

My early obsession with tools didn't last. I'm pretty hopeless with a hammer and nails, and you certainly wouldn't want me within operating range of any kind of power tools.

But then, I'm not an engineer like my husband, or a machinist like my father.

I am, however, proficient with the tools specific to my trade.

Like any other craft, writers and musicians have their own set of tools, a personal kit of indispensable items that help them tackle the job at hand, whether it's writing an essay or playing a sonata.

See what I carry in my writer's toolkit at today's Write On Wednesday.

How about you? What tools are specific to your trade? What are the essential items in your toolkit?

Five Essentials for the Writer's Toolkit

I want to suggest that to write to your best abilities, it behooves you to construct your own toolbox and then build up enough muscle so you can carry it with you. Then, instead of looking at a hard job and getting discourages, you will perhaps seize the correct tool and get immediately to work.  On Writing, by Stephen King

I may not be a handyman, but I know you can't complete any kind of job around the house without the proper tools.

The same holds true for the writer. No matter how many great, creative ideas you have, you'll never get them onto the page and in front of your reader without the right tools for the job.

Here are the essential items in my writer's tool chest:

1. Love of Language: Words are the building blocks for everything the writer does. The process of selecting the right ones and placing them in the proper order can be frustrating at times, but writers must be completely enamored with wordplay and willing to dig deeply into the recesses of their vocabulary for that perfect word or turn of phrase.
2. A Sense of How Language Works: If words are the foundation of the writers craft, then grammar is the cement that holds it all together. This is the weakest spot in my personal tool kit, a place I often need to seek assistance. There's always a copy of this book close at hand when I'm writing.
3. A Good Library: For research, for inspiration, for general knowledge, writers must read. Having access to books of all kinds is essential.
4. Physical Tools: Whether it's a computer screen, an electric typewriter, or a legal pad and felt tip pen, writers must have a method of putting their words on the page. Beyond that, they must also develop a system of organization for notes and ideas. Some rely on looseleaf notebooks, index cards taped on the walls, or some of the new computer programs like Evernote and Scrivener.
5. Faithful Readers: The writer should have at least one or two trusted readers who will support and advise her in the early stages of her work, before the words go out to the millions of people waiting eagerly to read them!

What essentials are in your writers tool kit?

Give It Up For Lent

Today is Ash Wednesday. This is a day of reconciliation, of being joined back together with God, of being reunited with the one who made you. This is a day of intentionally stopping to remember that we are made in the image of God and we are to treat others as the image of God. This is a day of consciously living in the knowledge that God made us, that Jesus came among us as servant that we might know God better, and that God continues to live among us as the Holy Spirit. Today is a day of reconciliation and being reunited. Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return. Shannon Kelly, from Journey to the Cross

My friend Lisa and I were walking home from school one afternoon, and she was talking about what she planned to "give up" for Lent. As I recall, she couldn't decide between chocolate and chewing gum - big decisions for a 10 year old.

Because I always wanted to appear at least as smart as Lisa, I pretended I knew exactly what she was referring to, and quickly tried to think of something I could claim to relinquish as well. It seemed that it must be something loved, since I knew chocolate and chewing gum were two of Lisa's favorite things.

"I'm giving up television," I said proudly, the words "giving up" feeling foreign on my tongue. Remember I was a well-loved only child, and giving up things wasn't in my usual vocabulary.

When I got home I asked my mother what Lent was all about and why people gave things up for it. We went to church only sporadically in those days so there were some holes in my Christian education.

"Lent is the time before Easter," she told me. "Some religions require people to make sacrifices during Lent to remind them of how Jesus suffered and died on the cross."

Sacrifice - another unfamiliar concept.

Needless to say, I wasn't successful in my bid to give up television. Truthfully, I probably forgot all about the whole thing. By the end of the week, Lisa was back to devouring Hostess chocolate cupcakes at lunch and blowing huge bubbles with Bazooka bubble gum, so apparently her Lenten sacrifice had proven too much to bear as well.

Today is Ash Wednesday, which marks the beginning of the Lenten season. Since I've become a regular churchgoer, I understand more about   Lent and the concept of sacrifice historically associated with it. In recent years, I've heard more people talk about using these 40 days as a time to deepen their faith- not by sacrificing some material thing or habit, but by increasing the time they spend in prayer or in doing God's work.

Putting a positive spin on it.

American's are good at that. As a people, we don't like the idea of sacrifice, especially voluntary sacrifice. So we look for ways to turn things to our advantage. I'm certainly no   different. I may not be the spoiled only child I was in 1965, but I'm no happier about suffering than I was back then.

And if I have to suffer, if I have to "give up" something, I at least hope some good will come from it somewhere.

The devotional message I quoted above is from a website called Journey to the Cross, a daily devotional series. Shannon Kelly, who wrote today's message, talks about Lent as a time of reconciliation, a time to remember that each of us is made in God's image, and that we should treat others as the image of God. That's about as positive a spin as I can imagine for a season shadowed by the specter of the crucifixion.

But within that positive message is the need to "give up" some things.

Like our prejudice, our selfishness, our negativity, our impatience, our lack of compassion.

And as difficult as it might be to forgo chocolate, chewing gum, and television, letting go of those things can be even harder.

It's worth a try, though. At least for the next 40 days.

Who knows? It might become a habit that lives in our hearts forever.