Sixth Sense

Our electricity went out again last night, for the third time in a week.  Thankfully, the temperature has been a bit more moderate than it was last week, when we were in the midst of the worst heat wave in recent history. Lately when the power goes out, it’s never completely out, which is another blessing. We can run ceiling fans, although their speed waxes and wanes with the fluctutating voltage. Same with the lights, so there is an eerie dimming effect that occurs occasionally. It’s a little like living in circus haunted house. Nevertheless, between the power problems and some very boisterous thunderstorms which rolled through about 4 a.m., no one slept very well. When I got up this morning, it was gloomy and dank, but comfortably cool. I had just enough current to power the coffeemaker, although it took quite a while for the water to pour through and the coffee wasn't quite as hot as i like it.

The power company forecast a return of service between 9:30 and 11:30 p.m., so anticipating a long day of trying to stay cool, I laid pretty low all morning, keeping mostly to my reading chair which afforded me a comfortable breeze from the fan.  I realized how oddly quiet the house was. No humming refrigerator, no intermittent click-whirr of the air conditioner powering on. No buzzing reminders of washing machines finishing a load, or dryers shutting off. It actually wasn't all bad this morning, have a few hours of complete peace to start the day. The dogs, who usually get up with me, had found their own cool corners, and seemed to be sticking to them. In fact, as the morning wore on, it occurred to me that they were unnaturally quiet. I purposely got up and rattled around in the kitchen, which usually brings Molly right to my feet on the off chance that there might be a morsel of something coming her way.

Nothing.

I went into the bathroom, and opened the medicine cabinet whose creaky door seems to be the signal that I'm getting ready for the day and there will soon be a biscuit available.

Nothing.

I tiptoed into the bedroom and checked on them, much as you would a baby you hoped not to disturb. They were both sleeping peacefully in complete zen-like tranquility, their breathing nearly imperceptible, their limbs totally relaxed and limp.  It's almost as if they had a sixth sense about the need to conserve energy and remain cool, and had gone into a state of canine hibernation, not even wanting to rouse themselves to eat - and if you've ever had a dog, you know that's an act which goes against every canine instinct!

Animals are such sentient beings, and my two have proven time and again their ability to sense things about the atmosphere - and particularly about their masters. They know to an absolute fact when I'm just thinking about giving them a bath. Even if I never mention the word, Magic can tell I've prepared the bathtub in the basement and will run and jump into Jim's lap for protection. When I'm in my office working and heave a certain sigh that means things aren't going the way I'd hoped, Molly will be at my side within seconds, her little paws planted on my knees, her fluffy tail wagging rapidly as if to offer her services for assistance. That's why it doesn't surprise me when I hear of dogs being trained to predict seizures or blood sugar abnormalities in their owners, or any of the other claims people make about their pets extraordinary capabilities.

In an unexpected surprise, our service was restored about noon. As soon as they felt that cool blast from the central air conditioning, they came to life and started about their regular morning business, knowing things were back to normal again.

I wish I could train them to predict power failures. That could definitely come in handy around here.

Write on Wednesday - The Click

She’d been working so hard all year, why shouldn’t it have arrived around then: that “click” when it feels as if a previously locked door has opened and words and sentences suddenly seem to exist in a new dimension located somewhere between your brain and the screen or page, leading you through an infinite house whose rooms have strange geometric shapes you’ve never seen before, yet you always somehow know where you are.  ~ from Say Her Name, by Francisco Goldman

Athletes call it "the zone," musicians call it "the sweet spot," and Francisco Goldman calls it "the click." Whatever term you use, you probably know what it means - that moment when everything works perfectly, you become suspended in some alternative universe where only you and whatever you're doing exist, and time seems to stand still.

Whether you write, play music, paint, dance, golf, swim, run - there's a "clicking point" when your body, mind, and spirit are in perfect harmony and you just can't do it wrong.

Getting there - now that's the trickier part. For me, the hardest part is just getting started.  I was reminded of this during the past few weeks of my online writing workshop.  We had new assignments each week, and, in typical Becca fashion, I'd procrastinate until the very last minute.  Coming up with ideas wasn't really a problem, but even when I had a good idea I'd put off sitting down at my computer and starting to write.

What's that all about, anyway? I discovered my reluctance to get started was partly related to fear.  What if I took my very good idea, starting writing, and then got completely stuck? Or if I couldn't express what I wanted to say? What if I wasted that wonderful idea with my incompetence?

That happened sometimes, and when it did it was hellishly frustrating.  I wanted to reach inside my brain and drag those perfect sentences kicking and screaming from wherever they were hiding and lay them out on the page. But other times, once I convinced myself to start writing, I was fine, and the words flowed fairly easily and fluently. On a few occasions, I actually "clicked" with my subject matter, and, not surprisingly, those were the pieces that turned out to be the most interesting and emotionally rewarding.

Maybe I need to come up with some sort of fear-reducing ritual...jumping up and down 10 times, or throwing salt over my shoulder, or burning incense.  Maybe a good stiff drink, á la Ernest Hemingway.  Whatever it takes, there's no way to click with writing unless you're actually writing.

You just gotta do it.

The Click

She'd been working so hard all year, why shouldn't it have arrived around then: that "click" when it feels as if a previously locked door has opened and words and sentences suddenly seem to exist in a new dimension located somewhere between your brain and the screen or page, leading you through an infinite house whose rooms have strange geometric shapes you've never seen before, yet you always somehow know where you are.  ~ from Say Her Name, by Francisco Goldman

If you write, or engage in any form of creative expression, you'll understand what Goldman is talking about when he describes that moment  when it seems as if everything is coming together perfectly as it should - language and idea coalesce and your fingers move across the keyboard like the planchette on a Ouija board, guided by an unseen spirit.

Getting to that point is the tricky part.  It doesn't come quickly or easily, and it usually takes a lot of slogging through mud before you reach that magic spot where everything begins to "click."  The path is different for every artist, and each one of us has to suss out what it takes to get there. One thing I do know - it can't happen unless you write - or paint, or make music, or dance, or whatever medium your artistic persona prefers.

It's Wednesday - so what are you waiting for?

Write about a time when you felt that "click" - either in your writing, or in some other medium of artistic expression.

The Beauty of Boys

"If I have a monument in this world it is my son." ~Maya Angelou

When I was pregnant, I was secretly hoping for a daughter. I was young immature enough at the time to be focused primarily on the superficial aspects of parenthood - think frilly dresses, doll houses, and hair ribbons.  I wasn't disappointed when my son was born - who could be disappointed with such a  healthy, handsome, and intelligent child? But I was a little worried about whether I'd know what to do with a boy child, having never had any experience with boys.  Over the years I've realized that I was probably more suited to raising a boy than a girl.  I'm not terribly interested in a lot of girly stuff - I've never cared for baby dolls, I'm not good at fixing hair in fancy styles, and I don't appreciate diva-esqe behavior. I'm perfectly happy playing with Matchbox cars, or Brio train sets. Luckily, my son was interested in books and drawing and creative pursuits - had he been the kind to bring home frogs and snakes, my opinion might be quite different!

When we learned we were going to be grandparents, there might have been a tiny whispering voice once again cheering for pink over blue. But today, when we found out that our little Grandbaby- to- be is a boy, I couldn't have been happier.  I enjoyed my son through every stage of his life, and I'm so excited to see what his son will be like.

My mother has felt all along that Brian and Nantana's baby would be a boy.  "Every time I think about the baby, I think of it as a little boy," she's said.  "It would be nice for Brian to have a boy, to carry on the family name."

It's true - my son is really the very last one of the males in our little family, at least males who carry our surname. My father-in-law had one brother, who was childless. His sister had three boys, but they aren't "Rowans" - not on paper, anyway.  Although more and more women are choosing to keep their family name after marriage, it's possible that without a male child, our little branch of the family name could have been eradicated completely.

So, as my husband said earlier when he heard the news, "The Rowan's will live on!" I know my father-in-law would be happy to know that.  I've never forgotten the comment he made when we told him we were expecting. "I never thought I'd live to see this day," he said. Because he was in his mid-fifties when Jim was born, he probably did wonder if he would live long enough to see grandchildren. I realize now that as you get older, you start to consider what you'll leave behind, what your legacy will be when you're gone.

Today I feel especially blessed in terms of my legacy. As the poet Maya Angelou says, "If I have a monument in this world, it is my son."

I couldn't ask for a better one.  And I'm sure my Grandson's mother and father will feel the same way about him.

Hell Yes, It's Hot

One of my Facebook friends posted this sign yesterday: Yes indeed, it is Hot - here, there, and everywhere.

I tend to take a rather fatalistic approach to the weather.  What happens, happens. It's cold and snowy in the winter, it's hot and dry in the summer. I can do this because, thankfully, weather has never had a huge impact on my life, unlike some folks who have been devastated by weather related occurrences.  I've been inconvenienced by weather many times, but nothing to lose sleep over.

However, there are weather worriers in my family, and my mother is one of them. She comes by it naturally, because my grandmother was the biggest weather worry wart of all time. Just let the sky darken of a summer afternoon and she'd be outside in a flash, whipping the clothes off the line with vicious jerks, not bothering to fold them neatly as usual, just heaping them unceremoniously into her oval shaped wicker basket.  She'd scoot all her potted plants to safety under the porch awning, huddling them together in a protective little clump so that the winding stems of the petunias became entangled with the fluffy geraniums, hugging one another for dear life.

Finally she'd come looking for me, and if I happened to be off somewhere in the neighborhood riding my bike instead of lying in my lounge chair reading a book, I would hear standing on the front porch, calling my name.  "Reee-beccc-aaa!" she'd call, elongating each syllable so the word carried down the street. "Beccc-aaa!" I'd glance upward, see the smudgy black clouds rolling across the blue sky, and know I'd better head for home before she got too worried.

My son carried on my grandmother's tradition of worrying about summer storms. One summer afternoon when he was about eight years old, I heard him clattering around in the basement. When I went down to see what he was up to, I found him clearing out a collection of stuff stored underneath the pool table. "There's a tornado watch today," he explained nervously, "and they said you should go in the basement and get underneath something. I'm trying to make a spot we can hide." I tried not to smile, picturing us all huddled underneath the table like my grandmother's potted plants, holding onto each other for dear life.

Winter or summer, my mother's anxiety about weather is focused on electricity -  she is mortally afraid of losing electrical power, which often happens here in the midwest. In the winter, ice builds up on the electric wires, weighing them down until they succumb to the load. In summer thunder storms, wind will whip them to the ground and they lie in their death throes, sparking and flopping like slippery eels.

In recent years we've been having numerous power outages during the summer whenever the temperatures are higher than normal. Our neighborhood is old, and the power grids aren't capable of handling the modern day load of air conditioners, computers, big screen televisions, et al.  As luck would have it, both my mother's house and my house are on the same grid, so when one of us is down, we're both down.

Like the rest of the country, we've been blasted with unprecedented heat all week long. "You just know that power can't hold up under this heat," she would say each time we talked. "What will we do if the power goes out?" she'd continue, her anxiety clearly audible in her voice.

I'm not quite sure what fuels this worry about power outages - if it's the thought of discomfort from the heat/cold, the loss of electricity to run her appliances (although her stove is gas so she can still cook most things she might want), or the lack of control over her environment. Whatever the reason, it's a panic type reaction that closely resembles my grandmother's frantic efforts to protect things from a storm.

Wednesday night, after three days of record breaking temperatures, our electrical power conked out, finally fulfilling my mother's daily predictions. We managed to get through the night, largely because it's never a complete blackout of power, just a "brownout," leaving us a enough current to run dim lights and ceiling fans. Nevertheless, the power company wasn't forecasting a return to full power until at least 11:30 p.m. on Thursday night. And with temperatures expected to reach over 100 degrees on Thursday,  I knew we'd have to take drastic measures.

At 8 a.m. yesterday, I called our local Residence Inn, because I knew they allowed pets. "We have one room left," the desk clerk told me.  I explained that we were in need of respite from the heat for an elderly person and two small dogs, and she couldn't have been more accommodating.

So we decamped to the Residence Inn yesterday, where the room was lovely, clean, and very cool. We brought in lunch from Panera and dinner from Red Robin. We watched TV, I fussed around on the internet with my iPad, the dogs napped contentedly. When a neighbor called to tell me the power was back on, Jim drove home to turn on the air conditioners and start cooling down the house (the room temperature in our living room was 92 degrees).  We stayed at the hotel until about 8:30 last night, and then came home. The houses were still warm, but not uncomfortably so, and we were all grateful to be home.

An extreme measure, perhaps, but sometimes we have to go to great lengths to protect the people we care about from the things that make them afraid, even if we're not sure where the fear comes from.

How about you? Have you ever taken extreme measures to protect someone you love from their fear?