The Excitement Mounts

The countdown has begun -four more weeks tied to the desk, four more weeks of shuffling papers, four more weeks.... I have to say, I'm getting more excited by the minute.  The next four weeks won't be a picnic - it's going to be a daunting task trying to convey the complexities of this business in just over a month to someone fresh off the street.  Not to mention all the pure housekeeping stuff that awaits me as I attempt to extricate myself from my little corner cubicle.

But there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, and it's even bigger than I first imagined.

I don't think I realized just how much I was ready to leave my job until I actually did it.  Because I'm so resistant to change, I always wait far too long before taking that first crucial step.  By the time I actually work up the courage to make a move, I'm nearly at the breaking point.  My inertia also comes from an ever present hope that if I wait long enough, things will get better.   Sometimes that happens - but more often than not, it doesn't.

You'd think I'd learn, after 55 years on the planet.  But I sometimes wonder how much of our basic nature we can really change.   "I yam what I yam," as Popeye used to say, on one of my favorite childhood cartoons.

And I "yam" excited - even though I'm not completely sure what comes next.  Normally I'd be scared silly by that kind of uncertainty.  But somehow it's more exhilirating than frightening.  Perhaps because I've just watched some friends set off on a huge adventure on the other side of the world, and watched my son and daughter in law pull up stakes to start a new life in another state.  They all set me thinking about the possibilities life has to offer if you're brave enough to take a teeny chance here and there.

So as well as being excited, I'm trying to be brave.

And make it through the next four weeks.

Ink on My Fingers

There are some things in life I hate spending money on...detergent and cleaning supplies for one, face creams and cleansers for another.  I hate buying socks and panty hose, too - no one ever sees them, and they're so boring. I don't mind paying for gasoline (although I'd prefer not to pay quite SO much) or groceries. But as much as I love buying office supplies - paper, pens, pencils, notebooks, calendars, folders - there is one office essential that I hate to spend my hard earned money for.

Printer ink.

It's outrageously priced for one thing.  Why can't they come up with cheap ink that's reliable and lasts more than a week?  I have a friend who refills her inkjet cartridges, but I can't see myself ever being that organized.   Today, for instance, I was in the midst of a major project and of course, my printer ran out of ink.  Luckily, there was one package stockpiled in the supply closet, because I sure didn't have time to run out and get the cartridge refilled.

I try to avoid printing as much as possible, although if I start working more at home, I may be forced to keep the inkwell topped off (so to speak).

Oh well, I guess it's better than the old days when we had to change the ribbon in the typewriter - talk about ink on your fingers!

Worry Wart

When you're a writer, your head is where you live, and if your head is in a distracted, uncomfortable, or painful place, that's all you've got."  ~Dani Shapiro

The other day someone told me that I "live in my head," an assessment that was not meant to be totally complimentary. I'd never considered myself a terribly cerebral person, but I began to reconsider after hearing that comment.  I realized there was definitely truth in those words, and, most importantly, I realized that the living going on in my head was not always healthy.

I worry a lot, and most of that worrying takes place inside my mind where I can stir and agitate and magnify my anxieties into something odious and even dangerous.  Because all this worrying tends to interfere with my ability to move forward with life in general, and sometimes stops my writing dead in its tracks.

We all have worries - bills pile up on the counter, family members get sick and need attention, our jobs make impossible demands on our time and energy, relationships founder.  It's vital to develop healthy coping strategies.  While some people will turn to junk food and alcohol, others find refuge in exercise or needlework, or music.

Use writing as one of those healthy coping strategies for your worries.  Writing about your fears often helps you make sense of them, plus it infuses your writing with a sense of reality and intensity.  Create a fictional character who faces your deepest worry head on and help that character come to terms with it.  Make a list in your journal of everything  you're worried about - then turn the page and make a list of every possible good thing which could dispel those fears.  Research something you're worried about - the environment, the effects of depression, problems which develop in childhood - and write about your research.

You might be surprised to find you've written your worries away.

Drugged and Dangerous

Or more appropriately, UN-drugged and dangerous. Ever since we switched to the My Blue independent health care plan in January, we've had nothing but trouble.  In the 35 years we had Blue Cross Blue Shield group health insurance, we never had a complaint about their service.  In the three months since we've had the independent version, we've had nothing but.

The situation with prescription medications has been the most problematic.  My husband takes two very important medications to control the pain from his peripheral neuropathy.  He's been taking them for over five years, and they were always covered under our group BCBS plan.   When the first medication came up for renewal in February, the My Blue plan would not cover it unless he tried a  different (cheaper) medication for 30 days.  During the weeks they made us wait for this momentous decision, he ran out of the original medication and went into withdrawal symptoms which put him virtually out of commission for nearly a week.  The medication they finally approved not only didn't control his pain symptoms, it made him sick to his stomach.  So for the rest of the month, he felt horrible.   And they've still not "authorized" the original medication.

With this experience under our belt, we started early to get "authorization" for his other medication, which we knew was very expensive.  It also has no equivalent, being the only type of drug in its classification.  But even with advance planning, he still ran out of it and went into withdrawal again.

But those symptoms were nothing compared to the sticker shock he got at the pharmacy.  Even though BCBS finally authorized coverage for this medication, the co-pay on the My Blue account is so much higher that the price tag was nearly $800 for a three month supply.  (For comparison purposes, we were paying $120 for three months with our previous group coverage.)

So now he's faced with the unpleasant prospect of weaning off these medications, which most assuredly will mean constant pain and debilitation, or taking on a second job at McDonald's to pay for them.

Actually, that might not be a bad idea, because he might be able to get group health care coverage at Mickey D's.

So when I heard about Canada Drug Center earlier today, I couldn't wait to click over and take a look around.  I have several friends who order prescription medications from Canadian pharmacies, and now I understand why.  The site is easy to use, they have some great reviews and accreditations, and best of all, their prices on some very expensive drugs are much more affordable.  They stock OTC medications too, at a substantial savings.  Although they only offer one of the medications Jim currently needs, being able to get one of them is better than nothing.  And when my osteoporosis medication comes up for renewal, I'll be bypassing the American pharmacy completely.

I believe that the costs associated with health care, health insurance, and prescription drugs are the most serious problems facing this country in the 21st century.   If something can't be done to contain the costs within these industries, God only know what's going to happen to us.

In the meantime, at least, I'm grateful there's an opportunity for a little relief just across the Canadian border.