Insured

One of the scarier things about being self-employed is the necessity to be self-insured.  For all of our adult lives, we've had health care coverage provided by our employer.  In recent years, we contributed to the cost, but it was fairly nominal, and the benefits were comprehensive and very good. After my husband lost his corporate job in July 2009, he started his own business in order to work as a contractor, and we had government subsidized COBRA coverage (thank you federal government for something) until October 2010.  At that point, we had to pay full price to maintain our coverage - $1,192.36 per month - until January 1, 2011, when the COBRA coverage would no longer be available to us at any price.

So last month, we initiated the process of getting independent health care through Blue Cross Blue Shield, the provider we've had for lo these many years.

Welcome to the real world.

Yes, BCBS does often independent health care plans.  Yes, we qualify to convert directly from a group to individual plan.  But none of the plans provide anywhere near the kind of coverage we got in the big company group plan.  The deductibles are triple and quadruple what we've been paying, the out of pocket maximums 10 times what we've had in the past.

Youch.

The whole thing necessitated a sea change in the way we look at insurance.  The only difference in each of the three individual plans offered by "Big Blue" was the annual deductible.  All other coverages stayed the same - except, of course, for the monthly premium.  For instance (and forgive me for all this detail, but there's really no way to even talk about insurance without going into some amount of excrutiatingly boring detail) we could get a $1500 annual deductible for $1,110/month; a $2500 deductible for $750/month; or a $5000 deductible for $450/month.

Our first thought was "$5000 deductible?? No way!!"  But then we started doing the math.  If we chose the $1500 deductible plan, we'd end up paying Blue an extra $500 per month in premium costs alone.  Over the course of 12 months, we've already paid them $6000.  Why not keep that money in our own pocket until we need to use it?  Maybe we'll continue to be lucky, and our medical costs will be minimal.  But if not, that $5000 will be in our bank account instead of the fat coffers of the insurance company.

Our generation was one of the first that grew up with health care, and we've certainly gotten used to going to doctors whenever we needed to without worrying about how to pay for it.  Luckily, we've never needed to use our benefits for much.  In the past five years, I've probably been in a doctor's office less than a dozen times.  I think one of the problems with insurance is that, over time, it lulls you into a false sense of entitlement.  I know lots and lots of people- particularly elderly people- who dash into the doctor at every little twinge.  If they had to hand over a $100 bill each time they went in, I suspect they might think twice about it.

I'm no fan of  the modern medical profession, and I'm becoming even less a fan of modern medicine in general.  I think our health care is far too specialized, much too focused on invasive and expensive treatments, and entirely too profit oriented.  And I think the health insurance industry is at the root of a lot of those ills.  Nothing about the current health care reforms addresses a major problem in health care - curbing costs.  And I don't think any politician will ever address that issue because they're too indebted to the insurance and pharmaceutical lobbies.

In choosing the highest deductible plan for our individual insurance policy, we felt as if we were taking a tiny bit of power back into our own hands, power that the insurance and medical bureaucracy has been wielding over the little guy for much too long.

And that was good medicine.

 

A Little Postaday Mind Trickery

Since it's been four days since I've posted here, I suppose I'm no longer a Wordpress Postaday member in good standing. That's okay.  I'm not beating myself up over it.  I knew I'd never be able to keep up with that kind of blogging schedule.  I had a pretty good run at it for a couple of weeks, but in the last few days somehow lost momentum.

The whole daily posting resolution reminded me a little bit of Mr. Federighe (fed-é-reek-e), my fourth grade violin teacher.  Each time he taught us a new piece, we were supposed to go home and practice it 10 times every day.

Can you imagine?  Suwanee River scratched out on the violin 10 times every day?

I don't think any of us ever did that (except for Margaret M., who ended up as principal violist in the Boston Symphony).   I remember making it to six times through on one very rainy Saturday afternoon, before giving up and going back to reading Harriet the Spy.

Many years later, I ran in to Mr. F. once again - I was actually his accompanist for a while, and we shared a tiny office in the junior high school where he was teaching at the time.  He was still telling the junior high students to practice every piece 10 times a day.  "You don't really think they're going to do that, do you?" I asked him.

"Oh of course not," he answered.  "But maybe they'll at least practice it once or twice before they throw in the towel!"

Pretty crafty thinking.

That's kind of what happened to me with the Postaday program.  It tricks me into writing more often than I might otherwise do - and that's just fine.

How about you? Do you have any little mind tricks you play on yourself?

What's the Word?

I get reflective at this time of year, whether it's the inviting specter of a brand new year, the cold days of winter with plenty of time to think, or the impending anniversary of my birth -  which is definitely enough to give anyone pause. This year I've been thinking a lot about what I want to DO.  I've been writing more, and recalling how much pleasure and satisfaction comes from taking a snippet of thought, puzzling it out, and putting it into words.  I've been thinking about expanding some of those snippets into a longer piece of writing (dare I call it a book?), and have been exploring some options in my head.  But I've also been mourning the lack of music in my life right now.  The other day, a Facebook friend posted that "there was a hole in her musical life big enough to drive a truck through."  I feel the sadness behind the flippancy of those words.

So I've been wishing, and hoping, and daydreaming about new ventures.  As often happens, something I read seemed to speak directly to these thoughts.  In Words to the Wise, life coach and Oprah Magazine columnist Martha Beck wrote about the power of words in shaping our goals.  "Stated goals are magical," she says.  "They dictate our attitudes and behavior and where we put our energy."  However, caution is required in conjuring up these dreams.  Sometimes, what we think we want isn't what we really bargained for.  And sometimes, what we really want has been with us all along.

When it comes to successfully naming our dreams, it all comes down to word choice.

"The difference between a dangerous goal and a safe effective one has everything to do with parts of speech,"  Beck asserts.  "Most goal setter use mainly nouns and verbs ("I want my business to succeed," or "I want to have a baby"). This frequently leads to either outright failure or the kind of success that doesn't make people nearly as happy as they expect."

According to Beck, we need to focus on the "quality of experiences we want to have," rather than on a situation we aim to create, and choose the adjectives which best describe that experience.  Here's the process in a nutshell:

Pick your dream, your most outrageous dream.  Imagine the best case scenario of your life when that dream has been fulfilled.  Go into your soul and imagine how you're feeling...fulfilled, energized, important, delighted, valuable, nourished... choose three of those adjectives which best describe your emotions.  Write them down.

Go ahead.  Go daydream for a while and then come back.  I'll wait.

Okay, got your dream words?

Now look at those words and see how they relate to your life right now.  Are there things already happening in your life that make you feel that way?  How can you expand on those areas, creating more happiness in your present life while perhaps drawing yourself closer to your fantasy goal?

If I look at one of my fantasies -  being part of a small, successful chamber music group - and imagine myself rehearsing and performing with three or four really talented musicians who also become my friends, I would expect to feel creative, and proud, and valued.   If those feelings are my goal, if that's what I want to experience more of in my life, how can I come closer to that state of being right now?

It's an interesting way to look at things, isn't it?  It turns the process of stating goals on its ear.

And makes me think about the power of words in a whole new way.

How about you?  What adjectives did you come up with?  Is that experience manifesting itself in your life right now?

Yearning to Harvest

To grow what we need requires a sanctuary of time and attention, a patch of ground secured by some clear, recognizable boundary that can shield us from the endless demands, choices, and responsibilities eroding our day, so we can listen, uncover what is ultimately important, remember what is quietly sacred.  Setting boundaries around what is most valuable, precious, and necessary for us to thrive actually creates a space of freedom and abundance.  Without these self-imposed restrictions on ourselves and others, we my never be truly free to plant, grow, or harvest what we yearn to harvest from the garden of our lives.

Wayne Muller, A Life of Being, Having, and Doing Enough

I'm re-posting this beautiful paragraph from One Rich Life (with humble thanks to Joan for sharing it)  because it seemed to me these words should be spread among us like rich, dark soil is spread over the garden.  Spread, and cultivated, and worked into the ground with our fingers.
At the beginning of this month, I wrote that one of my goals for 2011 was to "just be happy."  As I plod through these long, dark, cold days of winter, I feel about as far from happiness as I've ever felt.  Reading Muller's words, I realize what I need to do is "set boundaries around what is most valuable, precious, and necessary" for me to thrive.
But what does that mean in practical terms?  While part of me longs to "drop out" of the rat race of modern, everyday life, and head for a tiny cottage in the hills, I know that's neither realistic nor emotionally sustainable.   I also know that I allow the outside world to impose itself on me far too much and far too deeply.  Part of setting boundaries for me will always mean learning to shake off the traces of the world's demands to the extent that it's practical, and live contentedly within the sanctuary of my own life and the things that are ultimately important to me.
Mostly I feel like I should have this all figured out by now.  That I should know how to create the kind of balance between work and responsibility and life which will allow me to flourish.  That I'll know how and when to let go of the things that bother me, and stop giving them so much prominence in the garden of my life.
I think, though, that we're all seekers - that the world today makes it harder and harder to find just the right spot in which to put down roots and grow.
How about you?  Are you still seeking the perfect balance for the garden of  your life?  Have you been able to create the boundaries you need in order to thrive and grow?  What's the secret?

Small Comforts

I'm looking for comforters these days, the small things that make the long, burdensome days of winter more bearable. It hasn't been an easy winter for me, as you can probably tell from the rather cynical tenor of my posts lately. Luckily, I'm fairly easily comforted.  And one of the things I count on most for comfort is my morning routine.  My husband gets up first, and starts the coffee brewing.  When I get out of bed, he usually has a steaming hot cup already prepared for me.  We settle into our favorite chairs in the living room and read for about an hour - or long enough to finish the pot of coffee.  Sometimes we'll be joined by one dog (Magic), who likes to jump up next to me in the chair and cuddle.  The other dog (Molly) remains in bed until the last possible moment - which usually means until it's time to leave for a walk.

One of the things I like best about this morning time is watching the sunrise.  When I first get up these winter morns, it's dark and we don't bother opening the blinds.  Usually by the time I've poured our second cups of coffee, I can begin to see the first traces of light.  If the sun is coming up, which is a rare treat this month, I'll pull open the blinds and watch the room become bathed in its rosy glow.

We've fallen into this pattern over the past few years, and its a lovely, peaceful way to start the day.  I enjoy this slower pace, in contrast to all the years when we had to get up and out early for school or work.  It's nice to have a quieter schedule now and a later start to the business of the day.

It's a small comfort, but one that's become necessary to me.

How about you? What small comforts make your days a little easier?