Worthwhile

When a text message arrives on my cell phone at 11:30 p.m. it's usually not good news, since most of my friends (the few who text anyway) are of an age to have long since retired for the night.   So it was with some trepidation that I checked the phone, and while the message at first seemed innocuous, after a moment's reflection, I could tell the implications were anything but. "DYK of a cheap 1 bdrm apt I cld rent?" it read.  It was from a young friend of mine whom until that moment had been happily ensconced in a new condo she had purchased with her partner.  "Yes..." I typed.  "R U OK???"

A few seconds later..."No...A. ended our relationship. Devastated."

Now, apart from the weirdness of sharing and getting this kind of information in abbreviated blurbations, the news itself was unsettling.   This young woman had moved to Michigan because of her boyfriend's job, leaving behind a family back east  with whom she shared a very close relationship.   She has done well here in terms of career and friends, but this meant she would be feeling lost on several fronts.

We texted back and forth (and I have no idea why one of us didn't pick up the phone) until I determined that she was alright for the night.  But my sleep was restless and fitful after that.   We had made plans to meet for tea, and as I thought about what I might say to comfort or encourage her,  I realized how fortunate I was never to have experienced this kind of pain.   My first love was lying right beside me, 37 years after our  first date, and he's never given me a moment's reason to doubt that he'll be there until what amounts to forever.   How many women in today's world get to say that?

In my observation, I think young women today have a hard time with relationships.  The rules have changed so much, and  the expectations on both sides are extremely high.   Plus, it's simple enough to dissolve a relationship, even one that's been legally sanctioned, that I wonder if people not only give up on relationships but enter into them too easily, knowing there's a quick and "painless" way out. 

Quick it might be, but it's never painless, is it?

Yesterday, I had lunch with a group of friends, all ladies "of a certain age."  The topic turned to relationships as it so often does among women.

"Men are really all alike," my friend D. laughed.  "They just wear different pants."

"It's true," she went on.  "I used to think my husband was a huge pain in the ass, and I'd see my friends and think their husbands were perfect, that they had the perfect marriage.  And then they'd tell me things about their husbands, and I realised they were just as much a pain in the ass as mine!"

There definitely is no perfect relationship.  Ask anyone who's been married a long time, and they'll tell you.  It takes enormous amounts  of  patience and tongue biting to keep things on an even keel, neither of which necessarily gets easier with time.

Sometimes, it isn't worth it. 

But sometimes it is.

When I think about my young friend, feeling adrift and alone, I'm grateful to have someone in my life who thought I was worth it.

Insured to Aggravate

There's a fair bit of teeth gnashing going on at chez Becca tonight.  You see, we've dipped our toes into the water and started searching for health care coverage...our government subsidized COBRA coverage will soon expire, and the cost to maintain this current policy will almost triple.  So we looked into the new independent plans offered by Blue Cross Blue Shield, only to find these plans cost just as much  and provide less coverage. Grrr.

When it comes to health care, we've been pretty spoiled.  My husband's workplace has always provided us with  group coverage, and even though we've had to contribute to the cost, it's never been prohibitive.  But now that Jim is self-employed, and my part time job doesn't include health care, we're on our own.  And let me tell you, that's a frightening place to be these days.

Insurance is one of the things about modern life that makes me really angry.  I resent being hamstrung by the whole process.  You absolutely cannot live in 21st century America without health care coverage - not unless you want to risk bankruptcy.   And the cost of decent coverage is outrageous - we're looking at spending more than half of my monthly salary for health insurance.  How much am I going to resent that?  Knowing that the fruits of  two weeks worth of work  every month are going to line the coffers of some rich insurance agency. 

And because my work involves insurance related matters (auto insurance claims), I also know just how capricious and wasteful insurance companies can be.   Just today, a major insurance carrier we work with reinstated benefits for a woman who is clearly a drug addict, has been totally non compliant with treatment for the past two years, and is obviously only interested in bilking the system to maintain her addiction to pain killers and pay her boyfriend to provide her with "attendant care".  All this while a good friend of mine is fighting Blue Cross tooth and nail to get them to approve a stem cell transplant that could cure her leukemia.

Grrrrrrr.

If  I could, I think I would abolish the entire insurance system and go back to the days when we were all responsible for paying our own medical bills, making sure that those medical bills were "reasonable and customary" (favorite insurance bywords).    The whole thing is just out of control.

And I have no idea how it can ever be fixed.

Let Freedom Ring

Happy Birthday America. 234 years young.

While that might sound ancient in terms of "people" years, when you talk about nations, it's actually quite infantile.   When we were traveling in England a few years ago, we stopped in a neighborhood pub where the cornerstone read 1150 a.d.

Now, that's ancient.

But America has grown up pretty quickly, with a rapid fire trajectory to the top in terms of economy and political values and natural resources.   Sometimes I wonder if, like some of the teenagers I see around me, we haven't grown up a bit too fast, taken on more responsibility than we can handle, and even stepped out of line on more than a few occasions.  In fact, some of our recent problems might be  a "time out," a reality check that some behavior modification is in order.

But after all, our founding fathers were quite the rebellious upstarts, weren't they?  Just ask King George who lost those 13 colonies for the British Empire.   And their hearts were certainly in the right place, with their ideals about representative government, religious freedom, and equal opportunity for all. 

We're still working on some of that, but like anything worth having, it takes time and effort to make it all come true.

With any luck, we'll still be striving and strong until we're really ancient.

Happy Independence Day.

Let Freedom Ring.

Fireworks

I was just about to go to bed - but - there are some hefty fireworks going on somewhere around here, and since it's the kind of night that's just too deliciously cool to sleep with the windows closed, I reckon I'll postpone bedtime a little bit longer. I haven't been sleeping well since I got home from Florida.  Usually I'm a pretty good sleeper (hot flashes not withstanding), and rarely have any problems going to sleep at night.  But Tuesday night I was awake until 3 am, restless and fitfull, dozing off occasionally only to startle awake again.  I got up, then went back down, then got up again.  Finally dozed off for good after some toast with honey and chocolate Ovaltine, my sure fire remedy for insomnia.

By bedtime last night I was a walking zombie, so my eyes were closed as soon as my head hit the pillow.  BUT - at 3 am I was wide awake, and couldn't go back to sleep.  It was chilly in the room - ceiling fan was on and the window was cracked - and I was awake and shivering until I broke down and fetched the furry afghan from the reading room.

Not sure what's causing the sleep disturbance ~ certainly life is a whole lot quieter than it was a year ago, when I was dealing with a freight train of loss.  Once again, I marvel at the resilience of the human spirit.   To quote a favorite Elton John tune, I"m still standing ~ maybe not better than I've ever been, but at least still here. 

Something to celebrate this holiday weekend. 

As would be a good night's sleep.

How about you? Anything worthy of fireworks going on in your world this week?

Historical Connection

Individual turning points ~ moments in time that change us, set us off in new directions.  Looking at those points in our lives for the start of story, as a place to begin writing.  Now, step backward from these turning points and look at the big picture.  What was going on in the world at that particular moment in time?  Is there a historical connection that has some bearing on your reaction to that point of change?  

Think about how (if at all) your life was influenced or impacted by those apparently surface events.  You may discover that moments in your life that felt divorced from the march of history were actually quite connected with the larger picture on some level.

~  Tim Tomlinson, The Portable MFA in Creative Writing