Write On Wednesday: Turning Point (an excerpt from a story in progress...)

This week at Write On Wednesday:

A good place to begin writing fiction is out of your own experience.  Look at your life and try to make sense of certain moments - perhaps small moments that represent some larger truth. ~from The Portable MFA in Creative Writing, The New York Writers Workshop

“I’m just not a bit surprised, are you?” Nita’s mother asked for the third time since she’d hung up the phone.  “We all knew that child would come to no good.”

Nita ran the knife down the center of a celery rib, a surgical incision which spliced it neatly into two slender sections.  Pinching them together, she began dicing rapidly, her wrist rotating across the stalks as she’d noticed celebrity chefs doing on the cooking channel which her mother loved to watch.

“It’s a shame, that’s for sure,” she replied, as she had on the previous two occasions. 

“Poor little Vera,” Fran continued, shaking her head.  “She took care of her mama all those years, and then that girl showed up on her doorstep, and now this.”

Nita thought of her cousin Vera, whom she considered her a favorite relative amongst the vast pack of cousins generated by her mother’s seven sisters.  It was Vera who first gave Nita books for birthdays and holidays, recognizing her love for reading and stories long before her own parents acknowledged their only daughter’s bookishness.  Nita remembers the excited anticipation that accompanied Vera’s visits, for she always brought an aura of the outside world into their small suburban house.  Vera, with her college education and her hospital job, was so radically different from the other women in Nita’s life.

She cupped her palm around the mound of diced celery and picked up a handful, dropping it into a bright blue ceramic bowl half filled with chunks of chicken breast.   Chicken salad sandwiches had become a staple lunch since her mother moved in with Vera six months earlier.  Fran’s appetite was once robust, as befit a farmer’s daughter who loved to cook, but it became strangely meager after her bout with colon cancer last year.

“Just half a sandwich for me, honey,” she said, watching Vera flick a dollop of mayonnaise into the bowl.  “I’m not too hungry today.  I think that sad news put me off my food.”

Nita sighed, wishing again that she had been the one to answer this morning’s telephone call.  Her Aunt Helen’s voice had been clearly audible from where she sat on the sofa, drinking her first cup of coffee and trying to finish the book up for discussion at her book club meeting that evening. 

“Fran, honey, I’ve got terrible news,” she'd heard  Helen say, without even the pretense of any other greeting.  “Larissa’s dead.”

“My land!” Fran gasped, her hand flying to her heart as if to prevent it from escaping her chest. “What in the world happened to her?”

Helen’s voice had modulated into a lower pitch, and Nita could no longer make out the words.  She stared at her mother, whose head was shaking sadly as she listened, her blue eyes glittery with tears.   

“Oh, that is awful!” she interjected after a few moments.  “Where in the world was  Vera when all this happened?  She wasn’t home?  Then where…”

Nita tried to refocus on her book, knowing she would hear the entire story whenever the call ended.  Her mother was notoriously efficient at re-telling tales, although Nita had noticed that one repetition had become insufficient of late, and she would often hear three of four versions of the same story before Fran moved on to another subject.

Should she be worried about that? Nita wondered, allowing the various exclamations from her mother’s voice to recede into the background.  Could this habit of repeating stories be a sign of Alzheimer’s or dementia, a red flag Nita should be picking up on?

She  should call Vera and ask, she thought.  Vera was a geriatric nurse – or had been before she retired last year from her position as director of a nursing home. 

Then Nita remembered that a tragedy had apparently struck Vera’s family.   If Fran’s first exclamation was to be believed, Vera’s oldest daughter had just died.

Obscenely Beautiful

Forgive the flower pornography(and how many google searches will that generate, I wonder?) but don't these Asiatic lilies make an incredible splash?  There are enough of these in my little backyard garden to create quite a show, and I'm even more excited because cuddled up right next to these golden beauties are a batch of blood red wonders ready to explode into bloom. 

You need sunglasses to water these plants.

Yellow seems to be "my" color this spring.  I bought two yellow jackets (the kind you wear, and not the kind that sting you), a yellow purse, and have yellow popping up all over the garden (there are tons of Stella Doro day lilies sharing space with these, and in the front yard borders as well.)

The color of light, of warmth, a joyous color.

I'll take that.

How about you?  What's your color these days?

Listing

Late yesterday afternoon I plopped onto the family room sofa next to my husband and sighed heavily.

"What's wrong?" he asked, being well versed in my language of sighs.

"I can't believe it's already 5:30 and I haven't made it more than a third of the way through my list," I pouted.

He glanced away from his list... the extensive choices on his TiVo menu... and looked over at me.

"Why do you make your list so long?" he said calmly.  "You know you haven't got a chance in hell of getting all that stuff  done in one day.  You're only setting yourself up for failure."

Nonplussed, I just shook my head and wandered into the kitchen to start dinner (which was not even on the list).

It's maddening, but he's actually right.  I do set myself up for failure because my expectations are always far too high.   There are always so many things I want/need/ plan to do, and never enough time to do them.  I seem to have lost the art of relaxation.  It's so difficult for me to put the list aside and sit down with a book or go for a walk without feeling utterly guilty, my thoughts returning to the unattended items on the daily list.  There seems to be an increased sense of urgency to every day, and it makes me feel tired and out of balance.

 In future, perhaps  I should actually make a list that looks like this...

~Tea in the garden

~Bike ride through the park

~Shopping

~Pedicure and facial

~Lay in the chaise under the tree

~Watch a movie

~Long soak in the tub with candles 

I have a feeling this list would get completed in a jiffy.

How about you? Do you make lists?  Do you check off every item? What would be at the top of your "me only" list?

Getting Different

Art doesn't develop in a Darwinian sense. We don't get better and better; we get different. We tend to think of progress in the scientific way, but it doesn't apply to art. The only way to discover your true original voice -- and there is infinite possibilities for originality nowadays -- is by being honest with yourself and striving to write the best music you can, and not think about what category the critics might put you in or if this might start a new trend.  Lera Auerbach, Composer, Poet, Pianist in an interview with the Detroit Free Press, May 30, 2010

I'm at something of a crossroads in my musical life.  I won't be playing in my church handbell ensemble next year (for reasons which are too complex to discuss), which means all my participation in church music will be at an end.  I  have enjoyed accompanying for the middle school, and will continue to do so, because it's quite user friendly in terms of time and demand,  and in general an all around enjoyable experience.

But I feel as if my musical "career" is petering out, and I'm not ready for that to happen.  I don't want to let everything I've learned in the past decade and a half simply go to waste.  On the contrary, I'd like to expand on the musical and personal knowledge I've gained and continue to challenge myself in other musical venues.

Reading the interview with Lera Auerbach, a young Russian composer, poet, and pianist, in this morning's Free Press, I was struck by her comment about artistic development.  "We don't get better and better; we get different."  She was referring to her evolution as a composer, but I think it applies to any creative process.  Her idea is in keeping with the thoughts that have been swirling around in my mind of late, at least in regard to my musicianship.   I'd like to "get different" - not join another bell group or find another accompanying gig, but something completely and totally new.  Because I think "getting different" is vital to "getting better."  By exploring different aspects of our art, we can't help but become better artists.

Auerbach made a life changing decision for herself when, at the age of 17, she felt she was at a "dead end."  Upon the completion of her first America tour, she decided to defect.  "I had taken in everything Russian culture had to offer. I was at a dead end. I needed to be in New York, in a global city, with exposure to everything. I was hungry for it." 

Obviously, there's nothing so drastic in my future, but I recognize that same hunger for something new. 

If I'm honest with myself, as Auerbach advises, I know I must be involved in a group, because that's how I function best.  Even if the group is only two (but preferably more), I need someone sharing the spotlight with me.  I also know I want to explore a more contemporary avenue, something that involves innovative new arrangements and ensembles.  There may not be a "category" for the type of music I want to do, but that's alright - according to Auerbach, categories don't matter.  And I know that I have to perform.  Strange as it may seem from one who was once paralyzed by stage fright, performance is the key to a satisfying musical experience for me. 

SO - there are my parameters for change.  I have the summer to start mulling over how to make it happen, to begin looking for those shooting stars of opportunity that sometimes fall through my galaxy. 

How about you?  Are you looking for ways to "get different" in your art or in your life?

 [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwMhAmcJ1_M]

 

Sunday Scribblings- Mantra

She  tells herself over and over that it doesn't matter, it's perfectly normal, that no one cares nearly as much as she about the state they've come to.  But no matter how often she repeats the words, her heart refuses to believe them.  They fall like hard stones against the silence of her spirit. Because she still remembers what it was like before, in the days when their eyes shone with eager anticipation, when their  lips met with fierce hunger, their bodies entwined with unquenchable desire.   She remembers when a moment apart was a slice of hell, and the hours together were all of heaven one could ask.

It is unreasonable, she knows, to expect emotion to remain at such a fever pitch, especially after decades  - and decades and decades gone by.  So she tells herself over and over that what matters is their strong devotion, their true committment, their shared history encompassing children, grandchildren, parents, friends, and all the experiences of their life together.

She watches him sleep, slack-jawed and snoring, the television blaring ceaselessly into the ignominy of the room.  And she knows she will need this mantra for many years to come.

~for this week's Sunday Scribblings