Back to the Grind

Two days have whizzed by since we returned from Florida.  The trip home was itself a small slice of hell.  Our plane was four hours late leaving the airport, meaning we didn't arrive home until 2:00 a.m.  To add insult to injury, we had to dig the Charger out from under eight inches of snow that had fallen in our absence.   Jim's peronalized license plate on the car was the only thing visible, and it's message (In Chrg) was an ironic reminder of how little we really are- in charge, that is. Not of the weather, certainly, for it has continued it's snowy, blustery, murkiness ever since we got home.  The snow was swirling like a dervish this morning and there were cars spun out all over the road as I made my way to the office.

Not of our jobs, either, for mine has continued on it's perilous spin out of control.  Work, work, work...and never get caught up.  A control freak's nightmare.

But enough of all that.  It's Friday night, I'm home safe and sound with lots of recorded stuff on the TiVo.  Who watchs Big Love out there?  Did you see last Sunday's episode?  I was riveted to my chair - what will happen to those Henrickson's next, I ask you? 

I had two books waiting for me in the mail delivery - copies for review later on this month over at Bookstack.  As well as a shipment of my favorite coffee, to keep me warm and caffienated while I read.

Small and simple pleasures, but all part of the daily grind of which I am at least a little bit in charge.

Write On Wednesday - Hard Labor

I haven't been loving my work lately, so it has indeed been hard labor.  Of course I know that's all relative, and my Puritan genes have been pinching me in displeasure for even begrudging one moment of having a relatively good paying job in this economy.

But.

I'm as human as the next girl, and I would really like to find my work at least moderately rewarding.  For the past several months, it's been just a big pain in the you know where.  And I mean that quite literally too, because for most of my day I'm stuck in a chair staring at a computer screen and clicking my way through infinite varieties of electronic files and folders.

Part of my dissatisfaction stems from changes that were thrust on me willy nilly without any warning.  I was upset enough at the time to raise a mini ruckus about the whole thing.  Alas, my foot stomping was mostly in vain, because my boss (like the benevolent dictator she is) listened politely and then effectively said, "Well, that's all very nice dear, but we're doing it my way anyway."

Right.

On our way out to dinner last night, we found ourselves quoting lines from an old movie that's quite a favorite in our family.  Office Space is one of those satirical, sort of frat-house takes on life as an office worker.  Anyone who's ever spent their days ensconced in a cubicle can't help but laugh out loud at the incessant memos about the cover sheets on TPS reports, Melvin's mission to hang on to his Swingline stapler, and (the classic) line from Lumberg, the boss, who ends all his edicts with the phrase, "That would be greaaaat."   When we got home, we popped the DVD in the player and relived a few of our favorite moments.  At least it's comforting to know I"m not alone.

Working in American has taken a whole new twist, hasn't it?  Used to be we thought we could have it all - a good paying job,  security for the future, even something called personal fulfillment.    But the rules have all changed, and sometimes it's hard to play along without feeling as if you're being taken advantage of.   I was raised to work hard and be honest, to fulfill my responsibilities, to make personal sacrifices if necessary in order to get the job done.  My dad owned  a small business for almost 30 years, and I watched him working nights and weekends, rarely taking vacations, doing whatever it took to make sure his customers were satisfied.

So while I've been here in Florida enjoying some sunshine and celebrating my son's birthday, I've also been working, doing my equivalent of putting cover sheets on TPS reports.  My husband looks askance at me, as he takes his lemonade out to the lanai and I sit here typing furiously away.  Right now, he's feeling (understandably) less than loyal to the idea of working all out for the good of the company.  "It gets you nowhere," he says somewhat bitterly.  "I'm here to tell you, nobody appreciates it in the end." 

One of the hardest things about labor for me is finding the right balance.  I know I tend to go overboard with my work - whether it's music or writing or stupid "TPS" reports, I toil away past the point where others would throw in the towel and take some time for themselves.  Maybe I do work too hard for my own good, and so the feelings of oppression I end up feeling are largely of my own making.  Keeping a balance between work, family, and personal time to do the things I love - that's the key to staying sane in the modern world.

It's hard work, but I'm trying to make that happen in my life.

How about you?  What's your work life like these days?  Has it changed in the current economy? 

Hard Labor

This is the week of my son's birthday, and there have been a rash of new births among my friends and their children.  So my mind turns to thoughts of labor and delivery, but also to labor in general.  What's the hardest work experience you've ever had?  What role does hard work play in your family history?  What's particularly hard about your work right now?  If you've given birth, what was that experience like for you? 

Write about

Hard Labor

Love-liest of Days

The penultimate thing I love about February is today -my son's birthday.  It's nearly impossible to imagine that 30 years have gone by since the morning I awoke a naive 23 -year old and went to bed 14 hours later a mother. Wow.

Becoming a mother isn't just about giving birth or changing diapers or toilet training or packing lunches or helping with homework or tying neckties or furnishing the dorm room or making the list for wedding invitations.  It's about loving someone more than you've ever loved anything on earth, about being willing to throw down the gauntlet before anyone or anything who might hurt them, about putting aside all your own fears and misgivings to support their hopes and dreams.  It's about turning your life upside down every single day if you have to for the rest of your life.

But it's also about feeling the deepest love and the most wonderful pride, it's about laughing the hardest you've ever laughed, and crying the most you've ever cried.  It's about a heart that bursts with joy one minute and pain the next.  It's about life in all its miraculous glory and deepest despair.

In short - it's amazing.

I was a young and stupid mother, wasn't prepared in any way, shape, or form to take on the responsibility of a child.  I was nothing like most young women today, who plan their pregnancy and childbirth to the hilt, who research all the latest gadgets and gizmo's, who arrange playdates and choose pre-schools before the ink on the birth certificate is even dry.  I didn't "register" for baby gifts, didn't interview my obstetrician, didn't choose environmentally friendly or safe substances for the nursery linens. 

My son was the first infant I'd ever held in my arms. 

But in spite of my ignorance, he grew- physically and mentally.  He was strong and healthy and smart and amazingly beautiful, with clear blue eyes and a stunning ability to think and create and imagine.

Thirty years later, he's all that and more.

Amazing.

So I count today as the love-li-est of all February days.  I wish I had been better prepared, had been smarter, stronger. I still wish for wisdom I don't always have to give.  But I'm more thankful than I can say for the end result, and for all the days in between.

Happy Birthday to my love-ly boy.

Nesting

Thirty years ago about this time I was experiencing a phenomenon known as "nesting"...that period before a woman gives birth when she succumbs to a flurry of housekeeping chores.  Cleaning, arranging, preparing the perfect safe and beautiful space to shelter a new life.  Oddly enough,  I find myself  with the urge to nest once again, to draw my feathers close around me and settling into a safe and cozy corner.  I'm not sure what's responsible for this feeling, but there's a clear and definite desire to be home these days, to stay inside with my family and my things around me, to remove myself from the rest of the world with all its demands. 

If I'm honest, this isn't a new feeling.  I've noticed this tendency to withdraw from society for quite some time, and in fact, I've found being out in the world increasingly exhausting for the better part of a year.  I think it stems from a generalized dissatisfaction with my life - at least the one I live in the outside world.  The one that involves work and errands and traffic and cold.

But when I'm snuggled in my little nest, I'm happy as the proverbial clam.

Perhaps my need to nest  is a way of preparing me for something big, some wonderful new change that's about to occur in my own small corner of the world.

Let's hope it's love-ly.