Sunday Scribblings-Sleep

"hush-a-bye, don't you cry, go to sleepy little baby..."

Sleep is my nemesis.  Just ask my mother - the stories of my sleeping -or non sleeping- habits as an infant are notorious in our family.

"There I'd be," my mother will say, "lying in bed with you there beside me, and I'd finally doze off because I was just so tired, but then I'd wake up and you'd be staring at me with those big dark eyes, wide awake and looking all excited."

Yep, that's me. 

There's always so many more interesting things to do besides sleep.  Books to read, music to listen to and to play, stories to write, friends to visit, movies to see, walks and bike rides to take, food to cook...the possibilities in life are endless.  Why waste time sleeping, when all the world lies before you?

Most children defy bedtime, and my parents wisely never forced me to bed early.  They trusted me to get the sleep I needed, and apparently I did, for I grew to be a normal, healthy young woman.  Now my mother claims I didn't like sleeping because I was "bright" and "didn't want to miss a minute of anything going on."

Actually, she's probably right - at least the part about not wanting to miss things.  Because the older I get, the less I like to sleep.  After all, there's only so much time in this one wonderful life, and now that I'm into the second half of my century, who knows how much of it I have left. 

So why waste it sleeping?

click here for more thoughts about sleeping

 

The Honeymoon's Over

Over at Bookstack, I occasionally participate in a meme called Booking Through Thursday where each week a bookish type question is posted.  This week we were asked whether we had ever "fallen out of love" with a favorite author.   While writing my response, I started thinking about "falling out of love" with other things - foods, music, activities, hobbies - a train of thought that was prompted by my experiece last night. The Valentine's Day concert at the high school...each year our girl's choir hosts a Valentine's Day cabaret style concert, complete with romantic little tables for two strewn with rosebuds, pink punch, and lots of cookies and chocolate desserts.  While people sit and munch, the girls perform some songs.  Now, it's all very cute and girly, and they dress up in their best sparkly dresses.  But in the 15 years I've been accompanying for the choirs, I have to admit it's my least favorite of anything I do.  I think I almost prefer playing in the orchestra pit for musical (and unless you've done that, you can't know how horrible it is.)

Last night was certainly no exception.

The singing was abysmal (sorry to sound like Simon, but I did feel as if I were listening to the auditions of American Idol all over again).  The punch was sickeningly sweet (what it really needed was a healthy shot of champagne).  The girls were dressed most inappropriately (a young woman standing 5 feet tall and weighing 200 pounds should never wear a v-neck, sleevless, red sequined dress). 

I am so over this, I kept thinking last night, as I endured an hour's worth of this, and then had to repeat the entire performace for a "second sitting" at eight o'clock.

I think I've finally fallen out of love with high school music.

Sometimes it can be good to fall out of love with something.  I've been agonizing for quite some time about whether to keep this high school job.  But the more experiences like last night just serve to convince me it's time to move on. 

It seems to be a pattern with me - I have to "do something to death" before I'm able to call it quits, become so heartily sick of it that I can no longer bear it for an instant.   Only then can I give it up, toss it aside gratefully as one would an albatross around the neck, breathing a huge sigh of relief. 

And then the relinquishing is not so painful,  is it? 

How about you?  Have you fallen out of love with something in your life?  How do you handle it?

Resurfacing

I'm back. Did you miss me? 

Because I missed you.

Amazing, isn't it, how attached one becomes to these "cyber connections," these friendships created almost solely through language and image on a screen.

I've spent the past week on holiday with two of my dearest friends, women who I've come to know over the past 10 years based on our joint ventures in music and teaching.  During that time we've laughed and cried many times together...we've shared losses in our personal lives and celebrated moments of joy.  We've reveled in concerts done well, and sympathised over performances that weren't up to par. 

Yet during the week, my mind often drifted to thoughts of you, my friends - wondering how Bella Rum was doing with her health and wellness program, if Deirdre was still missing her niece and nephew, worrying about Sherry who's going in for her annual check up, and about Melissa's dog Zorro, who has been ill. 

So today, I've been busily checking up on everyone, seeing how they all fared.  It's been good to see you, my friends.

And how exciting to find gifts left for me in my absence!!!  "You Make My Day" awards from Deirdre and Immelda, and an "E is for Excellent" award from Bella Mocha

Wow.

"Only connect," wrote E.M. Forster at the beginning of his novel Howard's End. "Only connect the prose and the passion and both will be exalted, and human love will be seen at its height.  Live in fragments no longer...only connect."

We are "connected by prose," aren't we? all of us who share our lives and hearts with one another through words written and sent out across the world.  We no longer "live in fragments," now that we're able to connect our thoughts with an ever farther reaching group of human beings.

Amazing.  Exciting. Gratifying.

All the things friendship should be.

How happy I am to have connected with you.

Progression (for Cafe Writing)

Written in response to Prompt Three,  Cafe Writing for February:  Pick at least three of the following eight words, and write a paragraph, scene, flash-fic, essay, blog entry or poem using them. It’s fine to change tenses, or pluralize if you want to, but please bold the words you choose.

astonished, conclusion, drown, gilded, hands, magnify, snow, time,

"Are you having fun?" Stephen asked, his lean angular body framed in the doorway between the garage and the house.  He gazed somewhat longingly at the winter white landscape before him.

Tara weariliy raised her head and peered intently at him, her eyebrows raised in astonishment.  "Does it look like I"m having fun?" she asked, straightening her aching back and leaning wearily against the snow shovel.  "I'm drowning in this stuff!"

Shaking her head, she turned back to her task, lifting a thick wedge of snow and tossing it laboriously onto the growing mound beside the path.

Stephen concluded that if he couldn't help it behooved him to remain out of sight, so he retreated to his desk.  He placed his hands before him on the smooth surface, and focused his thoughts on them, envisioning a thick palatte of glue holding them firmly in place.

"One, one thousand...two, one thousand," he counted, hoping to suprass yesterday's record.  It was at "Seven, one thousand," that he felt the first inkling of a tremor in the ring finger of his left hand, and before he could say "eight..." the thin gold wedding band he wore was beating a rapid tatoo on the polished oak.

"Damn!" he hissed, slamming his right hand viciously over top of the left, now in full spasm. Horrified, he watched his left hand trembling violently underneath it's captor, like a bird caught in a trap.

  "Time is running out!" he thought as he always did when the tremors increased, aware of the relentless progress of his disease.  He was afraid to tell Tara, knew immediately what she would say.  "Call Dr. Wheatley," was always her first response.  What would that mean except more tests, more drugs, more bad news?

Meanwhile, he became less of a man every day- in every way.

Stephen stared in contempt at his hand, finally still, and splayed out before him, exhausted. Memories rushed in -the leathery grip of his ski poles, held tightly in preparation for pushoff,  the velvety softness of baby Mariah's cheek, the slender fragility of Tara's fingers, cupped protectively within his palm.  He grabbed his lower lip between his teeth, hoping to stop the tears which threatened to spill from his eyes.

"Hey," she said softly, coming to stand behind him, an aura of cold air clinging to her body, casting its chill reflection on his shoulders.

"Hey," he replied, not daring to look at her.

He felt rather than heard her sigh, a familiar, deep exhalation of breath signaling resignation.

"It'll be allright," Tara said, unconvincingly.

"It won't," he replied, "and you know it."

Another sigh, this time audible, as she placed her own steady hand on his arm.  

"This is a process," she said, "part of our progression through life.  We will both tire at times, but we will weather this together."

Stephen turned to look at her now, her cheeks flushed from cold and emotion.  For a moment, the steady progression of their past whirled across his mind - their courtship, early marriage, raising Mariah, and now this, this illness that had him in it's deathgrip.  He couldn't bear it to end this way, to become dependent on her for everything, to lose his ability to be her partner in all ways.

He opened his mouth to speak, not knowing what words could possibly come.

"Stop," Tara said, touching her fingertips to his lips. "Let it go, Stephen."

She held his gaze until he lifted his hands, holding them upright in the traditional posture of surrender.  Smiling, she matched her palms to his, extending her fingers until they aligned with his, drawing his hand toward hers with an invisible line of strength.

"One, one thousand..." she began counting quietly. 

This time, Stephen felt sure they would make it to ten.

What a Week

Ah, Friday.  You can't possibly know how delighted I am to see the end of this week. I'm sure you've had weeks like this - we all have.  A week where every possible thing that could go wrong, does go wrong.  A week where nothing conspires in your favor.  A week which, by the end of it, you're almost fearful of getting up in the morning because who knows what could happen next. 

Well, if the meteorologists are correct, when I get up we'll apparently be in the midst of a blizzard.

So much for Friday being the end of this.

I should be grateful, I know.  None of the irritating, annoying, disrupting things that happened were life threatening to me or anyone I love. 

But still...major new projects at work completely destroyed my plans to work ahead in anticipation of being away next week, so now I'm behind the eight ball big time.  Our mail order prescription drug company completely erased all our records, just in time to renew all the prescriptions.  The postman hasn't delivered our mail since we returned from Florida, so apparently I'll have to make a trip to the post office and pick it up (since they won't answer the phone!!)  And now this huge snowstorm is coming, foiling my plans for Friday, which included going back to the office, getting the dogs haircuts, and rehearsing with students for a music competition on Saturday.

Yeesh.

Which one of the cosmic entities have I offended?  Did I enjoy myself  a little too much last week in Florida?  Is that not allowed in this universe?

I suppose it's the control freak in me, but these kinds of events, especially coming head over heels on top of one another, just send me screaming for the nearest exit. 

So perhaps it's good that tomorrow might find me snowed in.  A day of enforced peace and quiet, a day to sit in the easy chair, wrapped in a snuggly blanket, watching the snow come down.  A day to relinquish my white knuckle grip on life and all its vagaries and just breath easily for a while.

I could certainly use that.

Because it's been quite a week.

How about you? What kind of week did you have?