One Deep Breath-Simple Pleasures

I heartily endorse indulgence in life's simple pleasures, and the older I get, the more simple my pleasures seem to become! If I were to plan an entire day for myself filled with favorite little luxuries, this might describe it:

life’s little luxuriesa haiku series

small treasure of life indulgence well deserved refreshes the soul

weekly bookstore idyll perusing shiny new tomes book lovers delight café awaits me double espresso please ~ tiny cup of fuel lunch with a friend secrets shared heart to heart afternoon delight

hot tea by the fire dispels winter wind warms body and soul steam curls from the tub wafting troubles away relaxing long soak

day of small pleasures renews my weary heart~ how lucky am I?

for more simple pleasures, read here

Sunday Scribblings-If I Could Stop Time

Greedy woman that I am, I would love to freeze time at several points, so I could exist in an alternate universe, spending days at any wonderful place in my life I chose. For instance:

• The year before I started school, when I already knew how to read, and could talk my grandfather into walking me to the library practically everyday so I could load up with books and have all the time in the world to read them;
• Ninth grade, when I was the most popluar I was ever to be in the public school system, the editor of the school paper, and completely involved in "social journalism," promoting anti-war days and moratoriums for peace - a real "mover and shaker" on my junior high school campus;
• My honeymoon (for obvious reasons);
• The year before my son started school, when he hadn't yet been disillusioned and traumatized by the educational system and we had so much fun together;
• 1999, when my musical career was at its most satisfying, I was performing with two really good groups, and I felt confident and sure of my abilities.

As for the choice of superhero powers, that's an easy one. I'd love to be a "doppleganger" - to have a double, so I could be in two places at once. One Becca could be in Florida, while the other was in Michigan getting her work done. Or Becca #1 could be curled up in an easy chair reading her favorite book, while the other was walking the dogs. Or both Beccas could be happily pursuing their favorite hobbies on their own keyboards - one at the computer, the other at the piano. The possibilites are endless! Suddenly, life would become twice as full and interesting. So, where do I sign up to make this happen?

for more ways to freeze time, read these

Power of Two

I'm on retreat today. After a week of emotional highs and lows (actually, mostly lows), I'm using today as a time to regroup and rejuvenate. Life in general has become much too hectic for me, and my own in particular is certainly no exception. While I'm aware that I brought much of this craziness on myself - by working two jobs, remaining in two church musical groups, having two homes, and two dogs to maintain (not to mention, two elderly mothers) - I feel like I'm living the life of two people in the time frame given to one.

I've had two light bulb moments in the past two weeks. The first is, that in spite of the recurrence of the number two in my life's responsibilities, I am basically one when it comes to the fulfillment of them, physically and emotionally. For the past several years, my husband has suffered from a combination of physical problems that result in chronic pain and fatigue. His job consumes all of his available energy, and I have to accept that (at least for the present time) he has very little leftover to give to the rest of life's demands. If I can't handle it all on my own, I have to cut back in areas where I can, so that life is manageable for me.

My second flash of insight was that, during this period of time, I've completely lost touch with my spirituality. In the crazy busyness of my days, I've let my morning practice of meditation/prayer slip away. I have faith in the benefits of connection with a higher power, and perhaps its the loss of this connection that has led to a sense that my life is out of control. I also realized that my current church affiliation is no longer meeting my spiritual needs, a painful realization for lots of reasons, but one I must face and remedy in order to re-connect with this aspect of my life.

I awoke early this morning, to a grey, chilly sky, with black clouds racing across the horizon. Wrapped in my warmest fleecy jammies, I spent some time in quiet reflection, concentrating on my breathing, remembering to breathe in serenity and breathe out anxiety. With the simple act of opening my hands, which I realized are often closed into tight fists, I felt a similar opening in my heart, parting the darkness left by worry and obligation, creating space for the positive energy to flow.

My eyes opened to this view from my front window ~

Two black clouds divided by the morning sun to reveal bright blue sky and morning light.

During the time I've been writing, the sun has made a full-fledged, brilliant appearance. I started out my retreat day feeling almost as if I were in retreat - from living life in any sort of positive, productive way. But now, I'll continue on my retreat by heading out with the dogs for a long walk in the park, feeling refreshed and armed with new resolve.

Fall Elegy

It's nearly impossible not to love a day like today.

Who would scorn this brilliant blue sky that invites your eyes to dive into its deepest end?

Who could turn their back to this breeze, that caresses your skin with the barest hint of chill, then sighs like a lover, satisfied?

Who would not wish to gather great armfuls of these scarlet and gold medallions, to drape around their neck?

I suppose there are some who would say ~ it's too cold, I must rake all these leaves, and besides, winter's coming soon.

I would say to them, leave all that for tomorrow.

Fall into this beauty, today.

*I started writing this poem on Monday, when the trees were at their most fiery red and gold, the air held a hint of warmth, and a fleece hoodie was warm enough to see you through the day. Sadly, before I even finished writing, the tide had turned. For the past two days, icy cold wind has savagely torn most the scarlet ornaments from the red maples in my yard. Huge flakes of wet snow pelted my windshield yesterday afternoon. I reluctantly unearthed my winter jacket from the storage closet this morning. Before winter sets in earnest, I'm hopeful that fall will make another appearance, at least briefly. I'd like an opportunity to say good-bye.

Life Changes In An Instant

At the risk of whining, which I try not to do here too often, I have to say this has been a pretty crappy week so far. If I were a little younger, I'd say it was "the time of the month," but, since that issue no longer arises for me, I guess I'll have to attribute it to plain old bitchiness. I've overslept the past two mornings, so I've barely had time to get out the door dressed, much less enjoy my first cup of coffee reading time or do my morning pages. The dogs are extremely dirty and smelly, and I don't have time to take them to the groomer until Thursday. I accidently left wet laundry in the washing machine before I went to Florida! which I've had to re-wash three times because it smelled so bad. Anyway, it's just been a week when things like this are really irritating my nerves.

So, I drag home from work today, and the postman had stuffed a huge pile of mail in my box - five days of accumulated catalogs (yes, the holidays are coming soon!), credit card offers (just what I don't need), bank statements, a few bills, and tons of political advertisements of the "my opponent is the biggest loser of all time variety." There were a few belated birthday cards for my husband (plus one for Magic who just turned 4), and an invitation to a Halloween party. Tucked in among this grocery bag full of wasted trees, was a letter from a friend I hadn't heard from in a while. Here's what it said:

"Dear Friends:

Last month we found out that Bill has Stage IV melanoma. You may remember that he had surgery seven years ago, but it apparently did not get rid of all the cancer cells, and melanoma has now spread to his lungs and to lymph nodes in the center of his chest. He currently has no symptoms. The spread was discovered when two moles on his scalp were found to be melanoma. A CT scan revealed the lung spots. He will be undergoing Interleukin-2 treatment, which is intended to boost his immune system to better fight the melanoma. We are asking for your prayers during this time of treatment...especially since melanoma, once is has spread, is particularly hard to get rid of. Thank you for all your supporting thoughts and prayers. All are appreciated."

Needless to say, this certainly knocked me back a peg or two. How dare I feel aggravated by lack of sleep, household chores piling up, or dirty dog feet on the furniture? Here is my friend, who has a 12 year old daughter to raise, facing the possible loss of her husband.

Life does turn on a dime doesn't it? If you haven't read Joan Didion's remarkable memoir, The Year of Magical Thinking, I highly recommend it. In it, she writes of the night in 2003 when her husband sat down at their dining room table, suffered a massive coronary, and died while she was in the kitchen fixing his dinner plate. At the same time, their only daughter was hospitalized and in a coma from septic shock and pneumonia. Her first words in that book are "Life changes fast. Life changes in the instant. You sit down to dinner, and life as you know it ends."

So instead of going to bed grouchy and disgruntled tonight, I've spent some time this evening being grateful for the health and wholeness of my family. Why is it that I can't remember to do this without being hit on the head by someone elses sadness?

Go hug someone you love that you're fortunate enough to still have with you. And say a few prayers for my friends, if you would.