Power of Two

I'm on retreat today. After a week of emotional highs and lows (actually, mostly lows), I'm using today as a time to regroup and rejuvenate. Life in general has become much too hectic for me, and my own in particular is certainly no exception. While I'm aware that I brought much of this craziness on myself - by working two jobs, remaining in two church musical groups, having two homes, and two dogs to maintain (not to mention, two elderly mothers) - I feel like I'm living the life of two people in the time frame given to one.

I've had two light bulb moments in the past two weeks. The first is, that in spite of the recurrence of the number two in my life's responsibilities, I am basically one when it comes to the fulfillment of them, physically and emotionally. For the past several years, my husband has suffered from a combination of physical problems that result in chronic pain and fatigue. His job consumes all of his available energy, and I have to accept that (at least for the present time) he has very little leftover to give to the rest of life's demands. If I can't handle it all on my own, I have to cut back in areas where I can, so that life is manageable for me.

My second flash of insight was that, during this period of time, I've completely lost touch with my spirituality. In the crazy busyness of my days, I've let my morning practice of meditation/prayer slip away. I have faith in the benefits of connection with a higher power, and perhaps its the loss of this connection that has led to a sense that my life is out of control. I also realized that my current church affiliation is no longer meeting my spiritual needs, a painful realization for lots of reasons, but one I must face and remedy in order to re-connect with this aspect of my life.

I awoke early this morning, to a grey, chilly sky, with black clouds racing across the horizon. Wrapped in my warmest fleecy jammies, I spent some time in quiet reflection, concentrating on my breathing, remembering to breathe in serenity and breathe out anxiety. With the simple act of opening my hands, which I realized are often closed into tight fists, I felt a similar opening in my heart, parting the darkness left by worry and obligation, creating space for the positive energy to flow.

My eyes opened to this view from my front window ~

Two black clouds divided by the morning sun to reveal bright blue sky and morning light.

During the time I've been writing, the sun has made a full-fledged, brilliant appearance. I started out my retreat day feeling almost as if I were in retreat - from living life in any sort of positive, productive way. But now, I'll continue on my retreat by heading out with the dogs for a long walk in the park, feeling refreshed and armed with new resolve.

Life Changes In An Instant

At the risk of whining, which I try not to do here too often, I have to say this has been a pretty crappy week so far. If I were a little younger, I'd say it was "the time of the month," but, since that issue no longer arises for me, I guess I'll have to attribute it to plain old bitchiness. I've overslept the past two mornings, so I've barely had time to get out the door dressed, much less enjoy my first cup of coffee reading time or do my morning pages. The dogs are extremely dirty and smelly, and I don't have time to take them to the groomer until Thursday. I accidently left wet laundry in the washing machine before I went to Florida! which I've had to re-wash three times because it smelled so bad. Anyway, it's just been a week when things like this are really irritating my nerves.

So, I drag home from work today, and the postman had stuffed a huge pile of mail in my box - five days of accumulated catalogs (yes, the holidays are coming soon!), credit card offers (just what I don't need), bank statements, a few bills, and tons of political advertisements of the "my opponent is the biggest loser of all time variety." There were a few belated birthday cards for my husband (plus one for Magic who just turned 4), and an invitation to a Halloween party. Tucked in among this grocery bag full of wasted trees, was a letter from a friend I hadn't heard from in a while. Here's what it said:
"Dear Friends:
Last month we found out that Bill has Stage IV melanoma. You may remember that he had surgery seven years ago, but it apparently did not get rid of all the cancer cells, and melanoma has now spread to his lungs and to lymph nodes in the center of his chest. He currently has no symptoms. The spread was discovered when two moles on his scalp were found to be melanoma. A CT scan revealed the lung spots. He will be undergoing Interleukin-2 treatment, which is intended to boost his immune system to better fight the melanoma. We are asking for your prayers during this time of treatment...especially since melanoma, once is has spread, is particularly hard to get rid of. Thank you for all your supporting thoughts and prayers. All are appreciated."
Needless to say, this certainly knocked me back a peg or two. How dare I feel aggravated by lack of sleep, household chores piling up, or dirty dog feet on the furniture? Here is my friend, who has a 12 year old daughter to raise, facing the possible loss of her husband.
Life does turn on a dime doesn't it? If you haven't read Joan Didion's remarkable memoir, The Year of Magical Thinking, I highly recommend it. In it, she writes of the night in 2003 when her husband sat down at their dining room table, suffered a massive coronary, and died while she was in the kitchen fixing his dinner plate. At the same time, their only daughter was hospitalized and in a coma from septic shock and pneumonia. Her first words in that book are "Life changes fast. Life changes in the instant. You sit down to dinner, and life as you know it ends."
So instead of going to bed grouchy and disgruntled tonight, I've spent some time this evening being grateful for the health and wholeness of my family. Why is it that I can't remember to do this without being hit on the head by someone elses sadness?
Go hug someone you love that you're fortunate enough to still have with you. And say a few prayers for my friends, if you would.

Just Another Day in Paradise

Four days fly by awfully quickly when you're in paradise. At least, here in Naples, it seems like paradise. The southwest Florida humidity has given way to cooler, drier, air, the rainy season is over and gone, and temperatures hover around the mid-80's during the day. Best of all, the snowbirds haven't arrived, so traffic is light and there are no long lines in restaurants. Sometimes when we travel here to our "second home," it takes me a while to unwind from the pressures of work and family life back in Michigan. This time, though, I could feel my spirit relax the minute we stepped off the plane into the familiar palm tree lined landscape. Since the day we arrived was my husband's birthday, we headed out to our favorite "celebration" restaurant, Bistro 821, on Fifth Avenue. Other than a few people gathered at the bar, we were the only diners in the place for most of the evening. That never happens during "season," when you must make a reservation at least several days in advance. My favorite dish is a miso sake roasted Chilean sea bass, served with garlic mashed potatoes. It's absolutley the best fish I've tasted anywhere, and I order it every time I go to the Bistro.

Jim's birthday present from all of us was a new road bike, so part of our first full day was spent at Naples Cyclery, where we picked out a neat black and silver 21 speed bike for him. He decided it would be lots more fun riding with a partner, so (lucky me!) I got a new bike too! Our community is the perfect place for bike riding. There are five miles of smooth blacktop roads, plus lots of little inland lakes with bridges everywhere, giving you an opportunity to play with some of the 21 gears! We dutifully rode our five miles every morning, and I've never enjoyed exercise quite so much.

The remainder of the trip was spent "just hanging out," as my son calls it, which translates into reading, napping, eating, shopping, and general relaxing. We made a trip to the beach, where the water in the Gulf was the perfect temperature for wading.

Naples is one of the fastest growing communities in Southwest Florida. It's an old resort town, and there are LOTS of very rich people here, both long time residents, and the "nouveau riche" who come to spend winters in palatial, movie star style homes lining the Gulf of Mexico. Our home is certainly not in that category, but it seems spacious to us. It has the bright, wide open feel that I love, with lots of windows overlooking some of the many lakes and fountains in the community. The community itself is very resort like, with large swimming pools and tennis courts within walking distance, as well as a restaurant, hair salon, and post office. When we visit during the most crowded times of the winter season, I'm perfectly happy to hoard some groceries, bring along lots of videos and books, and just cocoon myself here where I can relax, with all the comforts of home.

Of course, much of the charm of Naples is in the fact that our son and daughter in law live here, too. As a matter of fact, they're currently within an easy bike ride of our home. But, they're "movin' on up," as the saying goes, and we spent yesterday afternoon walking through the construction site of the new, larger home they're building. (Their home here in Island Walk is on the market, so if any of you are interested in joining me here in paradise, click on the handy link at the top of the page for more info.) Luckily, they've chosen to build their new home in a new community right next door, so they will still be within bike riding distance.

I've recently been posting a lot lately about my home in Michigan, and, as much as I love this tropical paradise we call our second home, that's exactly what it is - a "second" home. How lucky we are to have it, when the cold winter winds blow, and the fast paced, stressful life of the city becomes overwhelming. And especially when we need a hug from our kids -that alone, makes anyplace a paradise!

Sunday Scribblings-Naples Ladies

Campiello's on Third Street in Naples, Florida, is a favorite place for Naples Ladies to lunch. On this sunny Thursday in October, there are already several NL's sipping Bellini's and spreading delicate dabs of homemade butter on warm Italian herb bread. While waiting on the arrival of their Pecan Roasted Chicken Salad, they lean in closer to their companions to discuss the latest exploits of their friend's errant husbands, or the abominal scores of The Club tennis team. A perfectly manicured, diamond encrusted hand might be placed gently on the forearm of their companion, when the news about Susan and Geoffrey's son - "I heard he was actually living with another man!" - is delivered. This same hand will then gently brush aside a strand of blond hair, highlighted to perfection and maintained in touch up sessions by Robert's weekly visits to their home. The Naples Ladies are a character unto themselves, the epitome of old style Florida riche. They wear St. John suits year round, drive top of the line Jaguar, BMW, and (for the younger set) Lexus convertibles. Their studiously applied makeup accentuates skin deeply tanned and lined by the Florida sun, basked in during long hours on the golf course, tennis court, or lounging by the pool. Their platinum jewelry is from Tiffany's or Cartier, and tastefully adorns neck, ears, wrists, and fingers, stoping just short of being ostentatious. They have a regal bearing, as befits their place in the upper echelon of Florida society, and when they enter the patio of this very upscale restautant, your eye can't help but gravitate toward them.

On the outside, these women are a perfect package, complete in the most minute detail from head to toe. But everytime I see them, I observe an emptiness within, a lack that all the expensive trappings of the rich woman's lifestyle cannot deny. I think it's the messiness of life that makes it so interesting - I can't imagine these women crawling on the floor playing games of hide and seek with their children (or dogs!), or joining them to create bright fingerpaintings. Or sharing bottles of cheap wine with a friend while crying over a favorite movie. It's hard being perfect all the time, and the faces of the Naples Ladies reflect the effort it takes to portray this facade.

Whenever I'm in Naples, I eat lunch at Campiello's. I'm no Naples Lady - I'm just a messy, menopausal mom from Michigan - but I have a feeling there are many ways in which my life is a whole lot richer.

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