A Whole World of Friends

I'm about to say goodbye to some very special friends who have been keeping me company for the past few weeks. They've had some troubles during that time - a marriage has gone sour, and a career has gone down the drain. A little boy got into some trouble at school, and a bigger boy ended his life tragically. But there were triumphs to share as well - a new love for one, a happy move to another state for someone else. A young woman, traumatized by an accident, regained her sense of self and made peace with her life. I've become really involved in all their lives and loves, their fears and struggles, their hopes and dreams. Sadly, our relationship is about to come to an end, and I know I'm going to miss them.

By now you've probably guessed I'm talking about a book. I am a voracious reader, and sometimes a book comes along that just sucks me in until I barely know where the lives of the characters end and mine begins. I find myself anticipating the times when I can be with them, find out what's going to happen next in their lives, much as you would anticipate getting together with beloved friends.

This book is one of those delightful, delectable books that I want to last forever. And the thing that's made it even more enjoyable for me is that I'm listening to it as an audio book. Now for a long time, I just hated audio books. It seemed that as soon as the reading started, I would completely zone out, and before long several tracks had gone by with me paying absolutely no attention. Lately though, the tide has turned. I've listened to about a dozen audio books in the last year, always while I'm driving, and I've come to enjoy them immensely. They completely transport me from the world of traffic, cities, and superstores on every corner, and place me squarely in the midst of a completely different world filled with interesting characters and their joys and dilemmas.

Julia Glass is one of those authors whose writing I just want to wallow in. She has the most luscious way with phrases and descriptions, and her sentences are always so rich and comforting, like sweet, dark chocolate. When I first started reading (or actually listening) to this book, I feared I would be disappointed that I didn't have those beautiful words in front of my face, to re-read and study in black and white. But they translate perfectly into spoken words, and seem to resonate in my mind throughout the day.

As I listen to the last few pages in this magical novel, I'm preparing myself for the farewell that will come in the next few days. After 19 CD's, I've gotten to know this little group of people very well. My car will seem quite empty without them.

Sunday Scribblings-The Monster

My son had a recurring nightmare when he was a child, and it centered around something he called "the dark 2000 years old." He would awake in absolute terror, yet he could not (and to this day still will not) talk about this monstrosity that terrorized his dreams. So often the biggest monsters in our lives are the ones we refuse to confront. Like an ancient, dark presence they lie buried in our souls, coloring our behavior, our attitudes, our ability to live life to the fullest, often without our even being aware of their existence.

Perhaps it is dissapointment in a spouse, who in some way has failed to live up to the expectations and dreams you once shared.

Perhaps it is anger at a parent, who failed to provide the love and encouragement you needed.

Possibly, it's guilt surrounding a failed relationship with a family member or friend.

Maybe it's disillusionment regarding a career that has proven to be less fulfilling and rewarding than you had hoped. Or a dream for yourself that you've neglected to pursue.

So often we shelter these dark monsters in our heart, afraid to expose them to light and compassion, and change. It takes great courage to grab hold of these creatures and stare them in their wretched faces. And sometimes you can't do it alone - you need the presence of a strong and steady lover or friend to stand guard as you struggle with the demon. Yet, if you are powerful enough to conquer your own "dark 2000 years old," how safe and free you will become, safe enough let yourself love with abandon, free enough to pursue all those dreams you've hidden away.

My little boy used to stand wild eyed and trembling at my bedside in the middle of the night, consumed with fear at this indescribable horror that had insinuated itself into his life. I would scoop him up into my arms, ply him with gentle conversation and some warm Ovaltine, read his favorite storybooks, and try my best to eradicate the evil monster in his mind. It wasn't all that difficult to do, because, as bad as his "dark thing" was, it was a vague, amorphous evil. As adults, our monsters are often all too solid and well-formed. Dealing with them might require tougher measures than a gentle cuddle and a story with a happy ending.

Then again, perhaps not. Sometimes even life's oldest, darkest dilemmas will respond quite well to a hearty dose of love, optimism, and faith.

Checking In

Drum roll, please. It's here. The last weekend before school officially starts. So - it's time to return to this post, and see how I did on all my ambitious summer plans. And yes, I promise to be brutally honest (ouch! some of this is going to hurt, I just know it). 1. OK, here's the skinny on the weight loss. I have been very faithful about going to the gym, and I'm really proud of myself. Actually, I like going over there three mornings a week and getting all hot and sweaty. I feel good when I leave, both mentally and physically, and turns out my blood pressure is about 10 mm/hg lower than it's ever been, which my doctor says is because of the exercise program. However...in the three months that I've been doing this, I have not lost one pound!!!! I did lose one inch, which is (very) moderately satisfying. I will not be buying a new wardrobe, however. My old one fits me just fine - in fact, a little better than before.

2. The photography project - well, half the time I forget to take the darn camera when I go somewhere. Case in point - my dear friend's surprise 40th birthday, which turned into a surprise engagement party! And where is my camera - at home, on the kitchen table.

3.Beethoven Piano Sonata - uhh, piano? Is that the hulking piece of furniture in my living room with about three inches of dust on those black and white keys?

4. Reading Charles Dickens, specifically Bleak House, in tandem with the BBC tv series - the first DVD was pretty good, but the book (even in papeback) nearly broke my nose when I dropped it on my face after falling asleep while reading it.

5. The second half of the above resolution was to get more involved in poetry - YES! I did this one! I've posted something on Poetry Thursday every week this summer! (whew!)

6. Cooking more often and more healthy - I like cooking, I really do. If someone would just go to the market and get all the things I needed , I would be so happy to cook any recipie in any cookbook. But, since I have no designated shopper, I often get frustrated about all the thought I need to put into my grocery list and opt for take-out from Szechuan Empire instead.

7. Spending more time with those I love - Again, some congratulations are in order. I have indeed spent lots of time with M& M, and I've dutifuly visited at least one elder relative each week. So, one gold star, teachers, please.

I suppose I could be really disappointed in myself. Percentage wise, I think I'm at about 30% as far as completion of my appointed tasks. Of course, I knew when I wrote that post that I was pretty likely to fail. But I don't really care. At least I cared enough about my life and my future to think about it and make some kind of plan for it. There have been times in my life when I was either to immature and ignorant to do that, or too scared and heartsick to do that.

So, I'll congratulate myself on the things that I did, and file all the rest onto my list for January's resolutions!!!

Some photos to remember my summer by:

Poetry Thursday - Time

Time
Flying
doesn't begin to describe
what happens to it
More like
disintegrate, evaporate, eviscerate
My lack of it
cuts me
like the sharpest of knives
in my drawer
The one I use for carrots
or steak
Little pieces of it
get swept into the dust bin
tossed away
before I know they're gone
Panicked
I rummage through trash
hoping to find a morsel
I can still put to good use
Elated
I grab scraps -
ten minutes here
fifteen there
Could it be I've found
one hour
soggy and tattered
amidst the rubble?
Clutching this treasure
this time of my own,
I weep
Then throw wide the door
and
fly
for more timely verse, go here