Cleaning House

I'm clearing the decks around here. Yep, I went on a bender in my basement today, and toted whole loads of stuff out to the curb for the trash man. I do this periodically, even though it barely makes a dent in the years and years worth of stuff that's heaped down there. There have been three generations of our family who've lived in this house, so there's everything from my father-in-law's 78 records of Franklin Roosevelt (I kid you not) to my husband's model cars and my son's outdated computers. The history of an American family, in artifact form, right in my basement. I, however, can be really merciless when it comes to tossing to the curb. I just need to be in the right mood. An ancient broken computer and monitor - gone. Some ugly tattered throw pillows and scruffy bric-a-brac - gone. Batches of cassette and VHS tapes - useless. Three ring binders filled with copies of meeting minutes from one of my musical groups going back 20 years - outta here!

So now I'm hot and sweaty, with a huge embarrasing pile of stuff lined up on my lawn. Nevertheless, I'm feeling pretty satisfied with myself. I've cleared some space, provided a little breathing room so I can set up my ironing board (very!) occasionally, or even retreat down there to read or write in a cool, quiet place should the fancy strike me.

Somehow I feel like I've cleared a corner of my mind as well. Once in a while I think we all need to do some housecleaning in our brains. Mine gets so cluttered up with my lists of "have to do's" and "should be doings" and "wish I could's." It gets so crowded up there in my mind that it's like my basement - there's no room to do anything productive because of all the junk that's cluttering up your thoughts. It's amazing how all that clearing out seems to have triggered a mental sorting out as well. I actually feel as if there's a nice corner of my brain that's now all neat and tidy, waiting for me to fill it with some really interesting ideas!

So tomorrow (assuming I can drag my aching bones out of bed), I'll be ready to tackle a whole new project, and who knows what it will be!

One Deep Breath - Garden

One of my favorite gardens is the Japanese Tea Garden in Golden Gate Park. We visited San Franciso in 2001, and were city weary and slightly stressed after several days of sightseeing downtown. We took the long bus ride out to the Park and spent a lovely afternoon wandering the quiet, cool gardens. It was an oasis of peace in our holiday.

In Japanese culture, a garden is considered one of the highest art forms, expressing in a limited space the essence of nature through the use of specially selected plants and stones. Japanese legend attests that stones are actual beings with spirits that need to be treated with reverence.

Tranquility brews like steeping green leaves- Japanese tea garden

Stone pathways disguise living spirits leading to higher ground

Pagoda rises beckoning amidst greenery paying homage to Buddha

Serene pathways guide travelers toward peace our souls breathe deeply For more garden haiku, go here

Bringing Good Things To Life

photo courtesy of stock exchange

"Anything that does not bring you alive is too small for you." Sweet Darkness David Whyte

Once again, I've been "lightning bolted" by bloggers. First, it was Alexandra, who quoted this line and posed the question, "What brings you alive?" So all day, I've been going about my usual Sunday business, and silently rating everything I've done. Did sitting in my favorite chair, bathed in sunlight, with hot coffee and the New York Times bring me alive? Did making brunch and watching Magic and Molly lick their lips on tiny bites of cheese omelets and croissants bring me alive? Did shopping for accessories to match the new carpet and furniture in my family room bring me alive?

The answer - in small ways, yes. Of course, the question really refers to much larger elements of life than the homely little things I was thinking about today. Things like relationships, spirituality, careers, lifestyles. So I began reflecting on those things and marking a mental report card on what in my life might be too small. The things that really make me alive - being with my family and friends, playing music and interacting with other musicians young and old, sharing ideas with interesting people, especially through writing and reading, and seeing new things through traveling. Things that are definitely too small - shuffling papers at the office, spending too much time doing shopping and household tasks, and living so far away from my son and daughter in law.

And then I read Susannah's post, and she wrote so beautifully about living life to it's fullest every day. She too posed a fascinating question - if this were your last day on earth, what would you do? As I began to think about that, I realized that the answers were the same ones I'd given for things that bring me to life, which makes perfect sense, doesn't it? I'd spend the day with my family and friends, make some wonderful music, read and write some wonderful words. I'd probably choose to do it all sitting on top of a mountain, overlooking the ocean, and sipping a glass of very good champagne.

So on the whole, I guess I feel pretty good about my life at the moment. At least I realize that the potential is there for most of my life to be filled with things that contribute to enliven me mentally and spiritually. These are also obviously the things that mean the most to me, since they would be the way I'd choose to spend my last day on earth. In my "alive time," I could probably appreciate a larger helping of traveling, and it would be nice if my portion of paper shuffling would decrease. And even though I don't like spending most of my time living far away from my son, at least I'm able to have another home near him and visit there often.

So this was a good, enlightening exercise for me today, and made me feel better about my life as a whole. Thanks, Alexandra and Susannah, for the inspiration, which I'm now passing along to all of you. How would you spend your last day on earth? What brings you AliVe???

Sunday Scribblings-Two Cents Worth

I've never been one to spout my opinions on any subject, generally preferring to keep them to myself on the theory that no one really cares what I think anyway so why waste my breath. But since Meg and Laini have invited us to step onto the soapbox, I'll take this opportunity to pass along my two cents on a few subjects:

1. People just really need to learn to get along better, be more respectful of other's needs and differences, and learn to (occasionally at least) turn the other cheek. This goes for foreign governments and religious leaders all the way to the cashier in the grocery store and the mechanic who changes your oil;
2. People also need to take more responsibility for their own actions. Is it really McDonald's fault that you spill hot coffee in your lap when you're driving? Is it really Walt Disney World's fault that your child was "traumatized" when he accidentally saw a Donald Duck character taking off his head? Let's stop trying to blame someone else for everything that goes wrong;
3. I've probably mentioned this before, because this is something that I will voice an opinion about. Life is too complicated these days. There are too many choices in everything from radio stations to cereal to feminine protection. I end up standing in the grocery aisle searching up and down for the version of each product that I like. Sometimes, I get so overwhelmed that I just give up, my desire for the darn thing completely gone! I mean, besides regular Oreo cookies, there are Double Stuff, Vanilla, Uh-Oh's, mint, peanut butter, fudge, and let's not forget low fat and low carb! And all these products and services that were supposed to make life easier sometimes just make it more difficult. A particular case in point is the automated prescription re-order service at my pharmacy. The other day it took me seven minutes standing on the phone following robotic voice commands just to order one measly prescription;
4. As a result of life's complicated-ness, we're a society that's always in a hurry, always rushing to the next appointment, activity, shopping center, or playdate. I've heard they make personal planners and PDA's geared to the elementary age child - now that's just wrong!
5. Which brings me to my last, but not least, item - the "adult-izing" of children. I don't like seeing little girl's dressed like Brittany Spears, and wearing makeup at the age of 10. I worry about too many little boys who are zoned out for hours in front of violent TV shows and computer games. I pity children who are scheduled in organized activities every minute of their day, so they don't have time to just play. It's hard for parents to buck this system - if every one else's kid really is doing it, how can you say no without making a misfit of your own child?

There, that's my pennies worth for today! To read what other's have to say, go here.

Checking In

For the past couple of weeks, Greenish Lady has been treating us to lovely posts she calls her weekly check in, a technique that she began as part of The Artist's Way, a course in "discovering your creative self." In this program, you use the Check In to monitor your progress toward achieving creative goals. I've actually just started working my way through The Artist's Way book, and I wish I could say this has been a productive week for me creatively, but alas, I cannot. In fact, I feel less creative this week than I have in quite some time, and I'm wondering why. A major requirement of this course is "The Morning Pages," three pages of free writing, preferably done first thing every morning. These pages are meant to be a cathartic, stream of consciousness "brain drain," which will free your minds of the things blocking your creativity. I latched on to this exercise quite happily, and have completed it nearly effortlessly for 13 of the past 14 mornings. I'm actually amazed at the way words flow out of my pen onto the page of the brand new spiral notebook - it's almost as if there is a direct feed from my brain to the paper, and I'm not consciously even thinking about what's coming out on the page. According to the rules of the practice, you aren't supposed to re-read what you've written (and it's a good thing, because I'm writing so fast my handwriting is virtually illegible). So I was hopeful that the clogged drain of my creative plumbing was getting nicely cleared out.

Not so. I'm beginning to think that I'm using up all my ideas in the morning pages! The words and images that usually flood my mind when I'm driving, or walking, or sitting on the porch, making me grab for my Moleskine (or a napkin or the back of a grocery receipt) have been nowhere to be found. My mind feels like an empty, foggy Tupperware container, one whose really good contents have been consumed, so it's been tossed in the sink.

No, that isn't quite true. My mind doesn't feel empty at all, and perhaps that's the problem. For the past week, my mind has been consumed with minutiae of all kinds - catching up on lots of boring office work, preparing for some home improvement projects, involving several trips to places like Home Depot, dealing with repairmen for my mom's central air conditioning which is on the fritz (and our weather is in the 90's), trying to schedule appointments for my annual medical check up and tests, and last, but certainly not least, worried about finding a home for a little dog one of my friend's told me about.

I feel really frustrated with my life lately. I had hoped that I would feel less pressured during the summer. But it seems that life is just as harried and rushed as it was from September to June.

In a sidebar quote in The Artist's Way, Brenda Uland writes: "Imagination needs moodling - long, inefficient, happy idling, dawdling, and puttering." Maybe it's a cop-out to say that my creativity is suffering because I don't have enought "moodling" time. But if I'm being honest in my Check In this week, I feel like my creativity has "checked out."