The Stranger Within

In the recent talks I've had with my boss, who is often quite perceptive about people even if some people (myself for one) don't always like hearing what she has to say, she mentioned that I "live in my head a lot."  I've been chewing on that comment for a while, trying to make sense of what she meant by it, and what ( if it's even true) it means about my life in general. First off, I've decided she's right - I do live in my head most of the time, and it's not necessarily a bad thing.  Oh, the part that obsesses and worries and agitates everything to death, effectively displacing the positive and encouraging thoughts that make life a little easier to manage - that part of my inner life is not altogether good.

But the part that imagines and dreams and wonders, the part that thinks about people and their stories and how to tell them, the part that hears music and starts playing along - that part of living in my head is all good.   But that's the part that needs to emerge from within my head and start living in the real world.  I realize I've been hiding this part of myself like a wayward child, keeping it locked within the confines of my brain, and that's why I've been so miserable.

The culmination of my boss' comments was that I had so much to offer the company in my management role  that she couldn't understand why I wanted to leave it.  Apparently she grasped the concept of me living in my head, but she had no idea what was going on in there.  To fulfill the duties of a "manager" in business requires so much energy there's nothing left over for the life going on in my head.  My life is not business or management or marketing...it's caring for my family and feeding my creative soul.  It may be my particular weakness, but I can't seem to "do it all" with any degree of satisfaction.

This morning, as I was walking my four miles, I was thinking about the people I know at work and wondering about the life that might go on in their heads.  What's their passion?  Because I think you must have a passion - we've talked about that before.  Whether it's music, sports, art, crafts, animals, gardening, car restoration, cooking - something that gets your heart rate up, something you dream about doing, something that makes time fly by.

If you live in your head (like I apparently do) it's easy to obsess about passions and not do anything about them.  That's been my problem for quite a while, I think.  But I'm planning on changing that in the days and months ahead.  I'm planning on bringing that stranger within my head out to meet all of you.

And I hope we'll be friends for a long, long time.

Long Distance Errands

Guest post from: Natalie Walter The winter months bring lots of snow, ice and freezing temperatures, but unlike the summer months when you can travel anytime you want, in the winter you have to wait for the weather to break. The break in the weather provides the opportunity to take advantage of getting out and visiting family that we do not get to see that often. We usually pick a relatives place to stay at over the weekend so we can visit other people in that area. We always set the home alarm system (check it out) prior to leaving for the weekend because we never really know if we will be home the following day, or not until a day later.

In the summer there is so much going on that includes family members and then come September, the events slow down. Many of the older family members cannot travel in winter, or the danger of them slipping on the ice is too risky. We always call him or her ahead of time and ask if we can pick up anything from the store for them. This makes it easier on them and they do not have to worry about traveling. It helps us in knowing that they are not out walking on the ice and may end up getting hurt if they fall.

The Excitement Mounts

The countdown has begun -four more weeks tied to the desk, four more weeks of shuffling papers, four more weeks.... I have to say, I'm getting more excited by the minute.  The next four weeks won't be a picnic - it's going to be a daunting task trying to convey the complexities of this business in just over a month to someone fresh off the street.  Not to mention all the pure housekeeping stuff that awaits me as I attempt to extricate myself from my little corner cubicle.

But there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, and it's even bigger than I first imagined.

I don't think I realized just how much I was ready to leave my job until I actually did it.  Because I'm so resistant to change, I always wait far too long before taking that first crucial step.  By the time I actually work up the courage to make a move, I'm nearly at the breaking point.  My inertia also comes from an ever present hope that if I wait long enough, things will get better.   Sometimes that happens - but more often than not, it doesn't.

You'd think I'd learn, after 55 years on the planet.  But I sometimes wonder how much of our basic nature we can really change.   "I yam what I yam," as Popeye used to say, on one of my favorite childhood cartoons.

And I "yam" excited - even though I'm not completely sure what comes next.  Normally I'd be scared silly by that kind of uncertainty.  But somehow it's more exhilirating than frightening.  Perhaps because I've just watched some friends set off on a huge adventure on the other side of the world, and watched my son and daughter in law pull up stakes to start a new life in another state.  They all set me thinking about the possibilities life has to offer if you're brave enough to take a teeny chance here and there.

So as well as being excited, I'm trying to be brave.

And make it through the next four weeks.

Ink on My Fingers

There are some things in life I hate spending money on...detergent and cleaning supplies for one, face creams and cleansers for another.  I hate buying socks and panty hose, too - no one ever sees them, and they're so boring. I don't mind paying for gasoline (although I'd prefer not to pay quite SO much) or groceries. But as much as I love buying office supplies - paper, pens, pencils, notebooks, calendars, folders - there is one office essential that I hate to spend my hard earned money for.

Printer ink.

It's outrageously priced for one thing.  Why can't they come up with cheap ink that's reliable and lasts more than a week?  I have a friend who refills her inkjet cartridges, but I can't see myself ever being that organized.   Today, for instance, I was in the midst of a major project and of course, my printer ran out of ink.  Luckily, there was one package stockpiled in the supply closet, because I sure didn't have time to run out and get the cartridge refilled.

I try to avoid printing as much as possible, although if I start working more at home, I may be forced to keep the inkwell topped off (so to speak).

Oh well, I guess it's better than the old days when we had to change the ribbon in the typewriter - talk about ink on your fingers!

Drugged and Dangerous

Or more appropriately, UN-drugged and dangerous. Ever since we switched to the My Blue independent health care plan in January, we've had nothing but trouble.  In the 35 years we had Blue Cross Blue Shield group health insurance, we never had a complaint about their service.  In the three months since we've had the independent version, we've had nothing but.

The situation with prescription medications has been the most problematic.  My husband takes two very important medications to control the pain from his peripheral neuropathy.  He's been taking them for over five years, and they were always covered under our group BCBS plan.   When the first medication came up for renewal in February, the My Blue plan would not cover it unless he tried a  different (cheaper) medication for 30 days.  During the weeks they made us wait for this momentous decision, he ran out of the original medication and went into withdrawal symptoms which put him virtually out of commission for nearly a week.  The medication they finally approved not only didn't control his pain symptoms, it made him sick to his stomach.  So for the rest of the month, he felt horrible.   And they've still not "authorized" the original medication.

With this experience under our belt, we started early to get "authorization" for his other medication, which we knew was very expensive.  It also has no equivalent, being the only type of drug in its classification.  But even with advance planning, he still ran out of it and went into withdrawal again.

But those symptoms were nothing compared to the sticker shock he got at the pharmacy.  Even though BCBS finally authorized coverage for this medication, the co-pay on the My Blue account is so much higher that the price tag was nearly $800 for a three month supply.  (For comparison purposes, we were paying $120 for three months with our previous group coverage.)

So now he's faced with the unpleasant prospect of weaning off these medications, which most assuredly will mean constant pain and debilitation, or taking on a second job at McDonald's to pay for them.

Actually, that might not be a bad idea, because he might be able to get group health care coverage at Mickey D's.

So when I heard about Canada Drug Center earlier today, I couldn't wait to click over and take a look around.  I have several friends who order prescription medications from Canadian pharmacies, and now I understand why.  The site is easy to use, they have some great reviews and accreditations, and best of all, their prices on some very expensive drugs are much more affordable.  They stock OTC medications too, at a substantial savings.  Although they only offer one of the medications Jim currently needs, being able to get one of them is better than nothing.  And when my osteoporosis medication comes up for renewal, I'll be bypassing the American pharmacy completely.

I believe that the costs associated with health care, health insurance, and prescription drugs are the most serious problems facing this country in the 21st century.   If something can't be done to contain the costs within these industries, God only know what's going to happen to us.

In the meantime, at least, I'm grateful there's an opportunity for a little relief just across the Canadian border.