Brave New World

This afternoon I was at school, chatting with a couple of boys from choir while we waited for the girls to finish rehearsing a dance number. Suddenly, a petite blond comes dashing up, jabbering frantically. "I'm supposed to take a make up math test RIGHT NOW, and I just got my PERIOD, and I'm like, just GUSHING all over my clothes, and I HAVE to go home, and I'm, like SO SCARED to tell Mr. Boone I can't take the test because he's ALREADY mad at me, and I don't know WHAT to say, and I REALLY NEED you to go with me to talk to him RIGHT NOW!!!!"

Now, I've known Kayla since she was in 6th grade, I know her mother and her grandmother, but she wasn't turning to me for help with her feminine problems. No, throughout her entire diatribe, she was staring right at Robert, her 17 year old male classmate. Robert gave me a rather sheepish look, shrugged his shoulders, and went out the door with his distraught charge. Brian, the other boy witnessing this drama, looked puzzled. "What was that all about?" he asked innocently. "I couldn't understand a word she was saying."

I don't know about you, but when I was 17 and in high school, I would rather have died a thousand deaths than admit to a boy in my class that I was having my period, much less that I was "gushing all over my clothes" and had to go home and change. Obviously, times have changed. Even the fact that I'm writing "publicly" about a subject once considered completely taboo is proof that I myself have entered this "brave new world" where nothing is sacred. And the reaction of the boys involved today was interesting as well. Robert seemed relatively non-plussed about his role in this little drama. And when I attempted to explain Kayla's request to Brian (in as delicate a terms as I could manage), he finally nodded knowingly. "Well, Mrs. Rowan, it's okay that she asked Robert, because he's...well...you know...gay."

Admittedly, Kayla is a Drama Queen par excellence. This girl has some kind of crisis every single day ~ last week, she came running into the auditorium and literally fell to her knees in the middle of the aisle, sobbing hysterically because she had just found out her boyfriend's parents were getting divorced. She has no control of her emotions, no sense of appropriate response or behavior, and reacts all out of proportion to the event. Honestly, she can be a real pain in the butt.

However, she's also a bit scary. Young people who have trouble controlling their emotions are prone to drastic actions that can be dangerous to body and mind. At least Kayla doesn't keep her feelings bottled up inside until they erupt into self destructive behaviors ~ like my friend Liz (who incidentally is still in very grave danger as I write...but that's another story entirely). I can't help but wonder if this brave new world where anything goes is more than a little overwhelming to teenagers. It seems they're almost expected to have some sort of angst in their lives in order to "fit in" with all the celebrity "crisis du jour." Last year, Kayla had a bout with anorexia. Robert (and Michael and Dan) are dealing with sexual identity issues. Katie is bi-polar, Rose just celebrated one year of sobriety, and Jessica's boyfriend is in jail for child molestation. And these are just the kids I know from sixth hour choir.

The world is certainly different. I know I'm showing my age with statements like that. I don't know how "brave" the world itself is, but I think you have to be very brave to grow up in it.

Clearing the Cobwebs

If your house is anything like mine these days, there are lots of cobwebs floating around. The spring sunshine illuminates them hanging from the light fixtures and tucked into corners, and I even discovered one entwined round the pedal posts on my piano. My mind has its own cobwebs, a veritable haunted mansion full of them. Perhaps clearing away a couple of the larger ones will free up space for some positive, creative thought formations.

~getting closer to making a decision about my life next year, i.e., whether to continue with my job at the high school or not. As I was writing morning pages yesterday, it seemed perfectly clear that I needed to give up that job. Then it occurred to me that I continually use the term "give up" when I think about leaving that position, a term you would use about something you were relinquishing against your will. And that is exactly what I will be/would be doing. That job is my labor of love, and I am loathe to "give it up" (there I go again). However, I am exhausted with this feeling that my life is out of control, that all my time is consumed by work (even work I love), and there is no time left for me to take proper care of myself or my family. Something has to give... ~trying to embrace the idea of change, and find the strength to initiate change in my life. While sitting at the piano during a musical rehearsal the other day, I realized the type of work I do as an accompanist perfectly mirrors the way I live my life. Sitting and waiting for my cue, taking direction from someone else, being necessary and important, but always slightly in the background...that's me, on the bench and off! The months ahead may bring some major (happy!) changes for our family, and I want to be able to direct my own life so that I can take full advantage of them. If you're watching American Idol this year, I call it the "Melinda Syndrome." One of the contestants, Melinda Doolittle, has been singing background vocals for several years, and had no idea that she was "good enough" to be a solo star in her own right. How amazing to watch her emerge from her safety zone in the background and discover that she is indeed star material. It's about time for me to step out like Melinda and stand in the spotlight of my own life for a change! If only these cobwebs could be handled as neatly as those lurking in the corners of my ceilings and doorways. But it will take more than a quick sweep with the feather duster to eradicate these complex concerns. Hopefully the spring sun will illuminate more than dust bunnies, and shine some new insight into my life.

photo from here

A Brief Hiatus...

My life runneth over this week...work, travel, family responsiblities, and that horrid competition I wrote about here....

so I'm on a brief hiatus from blogging

I leave you with a photo of one of my favorite spots~a little bit of tranquility to focus on :)

The March of Time

As I wrote today's date in my morning pages notebook, it occurred to me that today is my grandmother's 100th birthday. She passed away in 1992, so she's not here to celebrate, but it set me thinking about the way life moves along "in it's petty pace from day to day" until, before you know it, a century has come and gone. I can look back now on the trajectory of her life, an ordinary girl from a small Kentucky town, second in a line of six daughters, and see the ways her character impacted my mother's life, and mine, my son's, and even his children and their children beyond. In reality, the legacy of an "ordinary" person is anything but ordinary. I always credit my grandmother for my love of books and reading, because it was her voice that first brought me all the stories I loved to hear~Peter Rabbit, The Bobbsey Twins, Heidi, The Little House Books. She was always willing to read to me, and even though I never saw her reading anything for herself, she would drop whatever she was doing if I came to her with a book in hand. And it was she who provided the genetic "imprint" for my piano playing. After my own piano was delivered, I would sometimes catch her when she thought no one was listening, gloriously banging out the old hymn tunes she had once played in the little frame Baptist church next to their old farmhouse in Millwood. I would listen in fascination, seeing and hearing a completely different aspect of her, but an aspect I now recognize in myself.

There would have been very little about life in the first half of the 20th century to prepare her for life in the 21st. Always overly cautious and fearful of change, she would no doubt have been horrified by modern life, particularly the way people (meaning me!) spend so much time away from home. For her, if you were fortunate enough to have a nice home, you should be satisfied to stay in it. I didn't quite understand this, until I learned that the only one of my grandmother's sisters to leave home had contracted tuberculosis, which she passed on to two other sisters, and to their father, all of whom died within one year. And yes, as much as I love to travel, I often have to tamp down those little demons of fear, nagging me that I would be better off at home.

Yet, so much of the rest of her philosophy of life is also mine~that loving your family and taking care of them is the most important work you can do, that caring about your neighbors and helping them is what it means to be a Christian (whether you go to church or not!), that you should never be satisfied with anything less than your best work, whatever it is you're doing. These are values that came through her to my mother, and to me, and that I hope I've passed on to my son. Basically, she was just an ordinary girl from a small town in Kentucky, but she left me some pretty extraordinary gifts, for which I'm grateful.

Now that I've spent half a century on earth myself, I'm more than amazed at the swift passage of time. Thinking about my grandmother today reminds me to make the most of the next half of my century, and to continue her legacy to me in a way that will honor her memory into the future.

I Get By...

For a Monday, today has stacked up pretty well. However, I think I earned a good Monday, since my entire weekend was spent sitting on piano benches. Contrary to Mae West's famous quote, you actually can get too much of a good thing, and the past two days proved it to me!

This morning I managed to get in a walk before driving Magic and Molly to the groomer for their monthly haircuts and baths. Imagine my delighted surprise when Tami, my lovely friend/doggie stylist, gave me this gift~

This darling decoupage box is covered with pictures of M & M and filled with little bows for Molly and kerchiefs for Magic.

Tami is one of those people you meet during your life that warm your heart with their willingness to go the extra mile. When Magic was just a puppy, he apparently had a bad experience with the groomer I was taking him to at the time. She obviously hurt him, whether intentionally or not, I'll never know, but the result was the same. He was terrified of being groomed, and when Magic is frightened, he's gets aggressive. I was in a horrible quandry. Shih-tzu's must be groomed regularly... they get matted very easily and then you have to shave their hair all off!. (Trust me, that isn't a pretty sight, because we had to do it to Magic once or twice!)

I was at my local PetSmart one day, and happened to be talking to one of the salespeople there about the situation. She called Tami over from the store's grooming salon, and she suggested we begin a grooming rehabilitation program with Magic.

"Bring him in a couple of times a week and we'll work with him," she said.

So we started popping over to PetSmart every so often, and Tami would sit on the floor with Magic, just talking and playing a little. Then, we'd put him up on the table. At first, he'd start growling and snapping the minute he was up there. But she was very patient (and wearing a big glove!). She started out with just a little brushing, maybe two or three minutes, followed by a treat. Gradually, and this was over a period of several months, we worked up to actually cutting his hair, and then finally, he trusted her enough to have a bath and a full haircut!

This whole process took about a year. Not only did Tami spend all this time with us, she refused to ever take a penny! She said Magic became sort of a "pet project" for her, and the day she was able to completely groom him from start to finish without one growl or snap, she was as proud as if her firstborn had graduated from college. Now, sometimes he actually licks her face when she's grooming him~what a success story! What a gift for me, too~ I trust her with both my dogs, because I know she's a kind and caring person.

So often we don't realize how going the extra mile can mean so much to someone. Sometimes, I'll run into students that I haven't seen in a long time, and they'll tell me about things I did for them that meant so much to them. Often, it was such a small thing that I don't even remember it, but to them, it was meaningful. Those comments make my day, and remind me that every one of us can make a difference to someone else, often with very little effort on our part.

So, now I have two shiny clean doggies, and the rest of the afternoon to enjoy a little rest and relaxation. I just made a cup of tea in this nifty little tea maker (it's the greatest! if you like tea, click right over here and order yourself one!) and I'm ready to enjoy my afternoon "cuppa" with a couple of crisp butter cookies. I hope your Monday has turned out as well as mine :)

Afternoon tea, courtesy of my new Ingenuity tea maker from Adagio teas, and my mom's famous butter cookies.