Life Changes In An Instant

At the risk of whining, which I try not to do here too often, I have to say this has been a pretty crappy week so far. If I were a little younger, I'd say it was "the time of the month," but, since that issue no longer arises for me, I guess I'll have to attribute it to plain old bitchiness. I've overslept the past two mornings, so I've barely had time to get out the door dressed, much less enjoy my first cup of coffee reading time or do my morning pages. The dogs are extremely dirty and smelly, and I don't have time to take them to the groomer until Thursday. I accidently left wet laundry in the washing machine before I went to Florida! which I've had to re-wash three times because it smelled so bad. Anyway, it's just been a week when things like this are really irritating my nerves.

So, I drag home from work today, and the postman had stuffed a huge pile of mail in my box - five days of accumulated catalogs (yes, the holidays are coming soon!), credit card offers (just what I don't need), bank statements, a few bills, and tons of political advertisements of the "my opponent is the biggest loser of all time variety." There were a few belated birthday cards for my husband (plus one for Magic who just turned 4), and an invitation to a Halloween party. Tucked in among this grocery bag full of wasted trees, was a letter from a friend I hadn't heard from in a while. Here's what it said:

"Dear Friends:

Last month we found out that Bill has Stage IV melanoma. You may remember that he had surgery seven years ago, but it apparently did not get rid of all the cancer cells, and melanoma has now spread to his lungs and to lymph nodes in the center of his chest. He currently has no symptoms. The spread was discovered when two moles on his scalp were found to be melanoma. A CT scan revealed the lung spots. He will be undergoing Interleukin-2 treatment, which is intended to boost his immune system to better fight the melanoma. We are asking for your prayers during this time of treatment...especially since melanoma, once is has spread, is particularly hard to get rid of. Thank you for all your supporting thoughts and prayers. All are appreciated."

Needless to say, this certainly knocked me back a peg or two. How dare I feel aggravated by lack of sleep, household chores piling up, or dirty dog feet on the furniture? Here is my friend, who has a 12 year old daughter to raise, facing the possible loss of her husband.

Life does turn on a dime doesn't it? If you haven't read Joan Didion's remarkable memoir, The Year of Magical Thinking, I highly recommend it. In it, she writes of the night in 2003 when her husband sat down at their dining room table, suffered a massive coronary, and died while she was in the kitchen fixing his dinner plate. At the same time, their only daughter was hospitalized and in a coma from septic shock and pneumonia. Her first words in that book are "Life changes fast. Life changes in the instant. You sit down to dinner, and life as you know it ends."

So instead of going to bed grouchy and disgruntled tonight, I've spent some time this evening being grateful for the health and wholeness of my family. Why is it that I can't remember to do this without being hit on the head by someone elses sadness?

Go hug someone you love that you're fortunate enough to still have with you. And say a few prayers for my friends, if you would.

Just Another Day in Paradise

Four days fly by awfully quickly when you're in paradise. At least, here in Naples, it seems like paradise. The southwest Florida humidity has given way to cooler, drier, air, the rainy season is over and gone, and temperatures hover around the mid-80's during the day. Best of all, the snowbirds haven't arrived, so traffic is light and there are no long lines in restaurants. Sometimes when we travel here to our "second home," it takes me a while to unwind from the pressures of work and family life back in Michigan. This time, though, I could feel my spirit relax the minute we stepped off the plane into the familiar palm tree lined landscape. Since the day we arrived was my husband's birthday, we headed out to our favorite "celebration" restaurant, Bistro 821, on Fifth Avenue. Other than a few people gathered at the bar, we were the only diners in the place for most of the evening. That never happens during "season," when you must make a reservation at least several days in advance. My favorite dish is a miso sake roasted Chilean sea bass, served with garlic mashed potatoes. It's absolutley the best fish I've tasted anywhere, and I order it every time I go to the Bistro.

Jim's birthday present from all of us was a new road bike, so part of our first full day was spent at Naples Cyclery, where we picked out a neat black and silver 21 speed bike for him. He decided it would be lots more fun riding with a partner, so (lucky me!) I got a new bike too! Our community is the perfect place for bike riding. There are five miles of smooth blacktop roads, plus lots of little inland lakes with bridges everywhere, giving you an opportunity to play with some of the 21 gears! We dutifully rode our five miles every morning, and I've never enjoyed exercise quite so much.

The remainder of the trip was spent "just hanging out," as my son calls it, which translates into reading, napping, eating, shopping, and general relaxing. We made a trip to the beach, where the water in the Gulf was the perfect temperature for wading.

Naples is one of the fastest growing communities in Southwest Florida. It's an old resort town, and there are LOTS of very rich people here, both long time residents, and the "nouveau riche" who come to spend winters in palatial, movie star style homes lining the Gulf of Mexico. Our home is certainly not in that category, but it seems spacious to us. It has the bright, wide open feel that I love, with lots of windows overlooking some of the many lakes and fountains in the community. The community itself is very resort like, with large swimming pools and tennis courts within walking distance, as well as a restaurant, hair salon, and post office. When we visit during the most crowded times of the winter season, I'm perfectly happy to hoard some groceries, bring along lots of videos and books, and just cocoon myself here where I can relax, with all the comforts of home.

Of course, much of the charm of Naples is in the fact that our son and daughter in law live here, too. As a matter of fact, they're currently within an easy bike ride of our home. But, they're "movin' on up," as the saying goes, and we spent yesterday afternoon walking through the construction site of the new, larger home they're building. (Their home here in Island Walk is on the market, so if any of you are interested in joining me here in paradise, click on the handy link at the top of the page for more info.) Luckily, they've chosen to build their new home in a new community right next door, so they will still be within bike riding distance.

I've recently been posting a lot lately about my home in Michigan, and, as much as I love this tropical paradise we call our second home, that's exactly what it is - a "second" home. How lucky we are to have it, when the cold winter winds blow, and the fast paced, stressful life of the city becomes overwhelming. And especially when we need a hug from our kids -that alone, makes anyplace a paradise!

Sunday Scribblings-Naples Ladies

Campiello's on Third Street in Naples, Florida, is a favorite place for Naples Ladies to lunch. On this sunny Thursday in October, there are already several NL's sipping Bellini's and spreading delicate dabs of homemade butter on warm Italian herb bread. While waiting on the arrival of their Pecan Roasted Chicken Salad, they lean in closer to their companions to discuss the latest exploits of their friend's errant husbands, or the abominal scores of The Club tennis team. A perfectly manicured, diamond encrusted hand might be placed gently on the forearm of their companion, when the news about Susan and Geoffrey's son - "I heard he was actually living with another man!" - is delivered. This same hand will then gently brush aside a strand of blond hair, highlighted to perfection and maintained in touch up sessions by Robert's weekly visits to their home. The Naples Ladies are a character unto themselves, the epitome of old style Florida riche. They wear St. John suits year round, drive top of the line Jaguar, BMW, and (for the younger set) Lexus convertibles. Their studiously applied makeup accentuates skin deeply tanned and lined by the Florida sun, basked in during long hours on the golf course, tennis court, or lounging by the pool. Their platinum jewelry is from Tiffany's or Cartier, and tastefully adorns neck, ears, wrists, and fingers, stoping just short of being ostentatious. They have a regal bearing, as befits their place in the upper echelon of Florida society, and when they enter the patio of this very upscale restautant, your eye can't help but gravitate toward them.

On the outside, these women are a perfect package, complete in the most minute detail from head to toe. But everytime I see them, I observe an emptiness within, a lack that all the expensive trappings of the rich woman's lifestyle cannot deny. I think it's the messiness of life that makes it so interesting - I can't imagine these women crawling on the floor playing games of hide and seek with their children (or dogs!), or joining them to create bright fingerpaintings. Or sharing bottles of cheap wine with a friend while crying over a favorite movie. It's hard being perfect all the time, and the faces of the Naples Ladies reflect the effort it takes to portray this facade.

Whenever I'm in Naples, I eat lunch at Campiello's. I'm no Naples Lady - I'm just a messy, menopausal mom from Michigan - but I have a feeling there are many ways in which my life is a whole lot richer.

For more characters, go here

Days in the Park

My creation Originally uploaded by beccabee.

I've been spending a lot of time in this park lately. Usually at least once a day, weather permitting, Magic, Molly, and I go meandering through. Sometimes they're lucky enough to scare off a flock of ducks, and yesterday we sent a gaggle of Canadian geese squawking off angrily into the sky.

The Rouge River runs through here, and in addition to ducks, sadly enough the water is often home to a fair amount of rubbish, deposited by students on their way to and from the local high school. For the past few years the county has organized "Clean Up the Rouge Days," and the commnunity turns out en masse, doing a fair job of clearing it out.

I've lived in this community since 1961. Called "Redford," it's the place where the earliest settlers back in the 1840's forded the Rouge (or "red") River. My husband was born and raised here. He recalls winters when he was a child and the big grassy area (pictured in the lower right hand corner) was frozen into a skating rink, complete with a warming shed and concession stand selling hot drinks. It was "the place to be" for teenagers on Friday nights, and families on weekend afternoons.

By the time our son was growing up in the 1980's, the skating rink was a distant memory. But flanking this lovely valley are marvelous sledding hills, and we took great advantage of those. We would bundle Brian into his snowsuit and boots, stuff our chubby cocker spaniel into her blue plaid sweater, fill a thermos with hot chocolate, and spend the better part of an afternoon flying down the hills, and then hauling ourselves wearily back up.

This community was once known as "The Gateway to the Suburbs," since it was one of the first independent areas of development outside the Detroit city limits. It was once the place upwardly mobile post-WWII generation members started to move to raise their families. Things are changing greatly here, as you might imagine. The population is now heavily blue collar, and the community is suffering greatly from the effects of the downturn in the automotive industry. There are "for sale" signs on dozens of houses, and yesterday, our little supermarket, owned by the same family for the past 45 years, posted hand written "going out of business" signs on the front windows.

Needless to say, this downward trend breaks my heart. My family has so much history here, and it isn't often these days that a family lives in one place for more than two generations. In these times when people's lives are so transient and impermanent, it's nice to have been able to raise our son in the same home his grandfather built over 55 years ago. I love walking in this park everyday, remembering the days when I pushed Brian in his stroller, thinking about the times that my husband rode his bike over these same sidewalks, and walked these same paths to school.

A few years ago we bought another home in Florida, near our son and daughter-in-law. It's brand new, and I'm the first to admit how exciting it is to have a shiny new house. But in some ways it will never replace this one, with the history and the memories it holds.

I don't know how many more days in the park we'll have. But I like to think that we've left some tracks there, and I hope there will be more young mothers, children, and puppy dogs to follow them.

A Day Like This

There are some fall days that are just amazingly beautiful - clear blue sky, cool refreshing breeze, colorful leaves adorning the trees everywhere - days like this:

Unfortunately, today isn't one of those days. Today is a day like this:

Cold, damp, dreary, rainy...and our furnace is on the blink. SO -I made myself a big pot of my favorite soup* and tucked in to a hearty bowlful.

Now, I'm all set to curl up in my favorite chair, wrap up in a warm, cuddly blanket, and indulge myself in some of my favorite things to do on a day like this ~

Of course, it probably won't be long before I join these two ~

And, actually, that's a pretty good way to spend a day like this!

*Paradise Steak Soup (courtesy of the Paradise Grill in Branson, MO)

Brown 1 pound lean ground beef (or turkey) in a Dutch oven over medium high heat.

Add 2 cups diced onions, 1 cup each diced carrots and celery, and 1 tablespoon minced garlic; cook 10 to 12 minutes until vegetables are softened;

Add 3 cans (13-14 oz. each) chicken broth, 1 can (16 oz) crushed tomatoes, 2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce, 1 teaspoon red pepper sauce, and 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper; bring to a boil. Reduce heat, cover, and simmer 15 minutes;

Meanwhile, melt 1/4 cup of butter or margarine in a small saucepan; stir in 1/2 cup flour. Cook over medium high heat, stirring until deep brown. Whisk into soup. Cover and simmer 15 minutes more.

Makes 11 cups.

Serve with hot crusty bread and a crisp salad for a tasty meal that warms both tummy and heart!