A World in Conflict

I'm feeling an unfortunately familiar nagging agitation in the pit of my stomach, a worrisome doubt in the back of my mind, the kind of concern that buries itself in your subconscious while you're eating dinner with friends, or working at your job, or cleaning your house. Then you happen by a TV set, turn on the car radio, or pull up your home page on the computer, and you're reminded that there is evil afoot in the world, and it could be cataclysmic. Today's "fresh hell," as Dorothy Parker used to say, is of course the situation in the middle east. Let me clarify that by saying, the "escalating" situation in the Middle East, because for as long as I can remember, there has been some sort of situation there. I don't pretend to have an understanding of the historical or political basis for what's happening right now between Israel and Lebanon. I do know that once again we are being inundated with pictures of refugee families being forced from their homes, and soldiers being kidnapped and tortured. Here at home, our stock market is "tanking" and our gasoline prices are "soaring."

For most average US citizens, it was 9/11 that brought the impact of the middle east conflict right to our doorstep. While I did not personally know anyone directly affected by that tragedy, as an American, I was of course deeply affected in my heart. My husband and I were on an airplane ourselves that morning. We were heading to Florida to help our son and daughter in law move into their first home. We made an "unscheduled landing" in Greensboro, North Carolina, where we were billeted in a lovely hotel for three days until flight restrictions were lifted. It was a minor inconvenience at worst. But the feeling of being "trapped" halfway between our home and our child, with no way of getting to either one, was just enough of a wake up call to make us realize that this was very serious stuff going on. It was the first time in my experience that world events had so directly affected my everyday life, and it was an extremely frightening feeling.

Ordinary citizens in Middle Eastern countries live with far, far worse situations every day. It is unimaginable to me that you could raise children, tend to the elderly, go to school and work, just go through the motions of an everyday life when the ever present threat of death and destruction is right outside your door.

This volatile world situation makes everything we do here in our lives seem so superfluous. What difference does it make whether I get new carpet in my family room? Who cares whether I get offered that new job in the school district? So what if I don't have time to write a new post for my blog today?

Sometimes I feel like an irate preschool teacher, and I just want to shout to the world "Why can't you all get along? If you can't settle your differences peaceably, then it's time out for all of you!"

The conflicts between nations and ideologies seem as old as time itself. They are senseless, illogical, devastating, and evil. They are everpresent. Meanwhile, I continue to pursue the insignificant drama that comprises my daily life, and be ever thankful that my physical pain consists of nothing more than "a nagging agitation in the pit of my stomach." Oh, there's one more thing I can do. Pray - for peace.

Counting Down From 10

I feel like writing, but don't feel like thinking too hard, so I'll give this meme a try - it's been making the rounds of some of my favorite blogs lately. Here's my version: 10 Favourites Favorite season: Spring, with fall a very close second Favorite colour: Turquoise, like a cloudless spring sky Favorite time: Sunrise Favorite food: Pasta with a rich sauce Favorite drink: Dark roast coffee in the morning; cold, buttery chardonnay at night Favorite ice cream: Not much for ice cream, but mint chocolate chip is my usual pick Favorite place: In the US (so far), San Francisco; abroad (so far), the Southeast coast of England Favorite sport: I'm horrible at sports. I love to walk and bike, if those count Favorite actor: It's a tie between Jimmy Smits and Hugh Grant Favorite actress: Julianne Moore and Sally Field

9 Currents

Current feeling: Wired Current drink: The above mentioned chardonnay Current time: 11:20 p.m. Current show on TV: I'm not watching it; but my husband is watching something really noisy! Current mobile used: Motorola Current windows open: Blogger, and MSN Current underwear: The usual "old lady pants" as Bridget Jones would say Current clothes: Super comfy knit gaucho pants and cotton T Current thought: Is it that late already?

8 Firsts First nickname: Sunshine First kiss: Dave, 8th grade First crush: Chris, the older man (I was 7, he was 9) First best friend(s): Lisa and Jill First vehicle I drove: 1972 turquoise chevy Nova First job: Teaching piano lessons First date: First real date- Jim, the guy I married three years later First pet: Our cocker spaniel, Ginger

7 Lasts Last drink: Water, before the chardonnay Last kiss: From Kana, my friend Leigh's baby daughter; last "real" kiss was my husband, this morning Last meal: Dinner - minestrone soup, warm bread with olive oil to dip, eaten with my friend and her 20 month old daugther; Last web site visited: Paris Parfait Last film watched: I can't even remember; I watched an old episode of West Wing last night Last phone call: My mother Last TV show watched: Rescue Me

6 Have you evers Have you ever broken the law: Does speeding count? Have you ever been drunk: Only slightly Have you ever kissed someone you didn't know: Don't think so Have you ever been in the middle/close to gunfire: No, thank goodness Have you ever skinny dipped: No Have you ever broken anyone's heart: Not to my knowledge

5 Things Things you can hear right now: TV from the other room, a distant leaf blower Things on your bed: One sleeping shih tzu, my work clothes which I haven't put away Things you ate today: Salad, soup, bread, watermelon, and a package of animal crackers when I was restless at work Things you wouldn't want to live without: If we're talking inanimate objects, then my piano, computer, books, car and cell phone Things you do when you are bored: I can't remember when I last felt bored

4 Places you have been today

My mother's house, work, a restaurant, my friends house,

3 Things on your desk right now

Books, picture of my son (aged 2), my notebook

2 Choices

Black or white: Black

Hot or cold: Cold

1 Place you want to visit

Picking only one is a very tall order. I'd really love to go to Greece someday.

Busy Day

I'm quoting my son's blog, when I say that "it's 2:20 am, and I'm sitting at my computer. What a dumbass." I'm also quoting my son when I say that, "for reasons unknown to me, I'm really wired." I have been relentlessly running my little engine since about 6:43 am yesterday, when Magic awoke me by doing the "fwap fwap" (that means shaking his head really fast) right in front of my sleeping face. Needless to say, that aroused me right away. Luckily, my beautfiul Cuisinart programmable coffee grinder/maker was ready, set, and on its mark, so coffee was pouring into the carafe by the time I found my slippers and shuffled to the kitchen.

I finished the first cup in relative peace, sitting on my back porch and enjoying the sounds of summer waking up to another beautiful day (I love Michigan this year!) But by the time my eyes had finally opened all the way, my brain had shifted into overdrive, and I was itching to get the day underway. Since school is out, Monday is a "day off" for me. So, here's what I did on my day off:

• Made my husband some breakfast and made a quick sweep of email and blog friends while he ate;
• After he left for work (finally!), swept and washed the kitchen floor and scrubbed the bathroom;
• Stripped the sheets off the bed and threw them in the washer;
• Started thinking about haiku for this week's prompt at One Deep Breath (ODB);
• Hung the sheets on the line in the backyard;
• Drove to FitZone for Women and exercised for one hour;
• (Took One Deep Breath);
• Made lunch at home and took my (healthy) tuna on lettuce with tomatoes and a hard boiled egg to the patio and read three chapters of Poemcrazy while I ate;
• Had a piece of my mom's homemade apple pie for dessert (so long healthy lunch and exercise);
• Hoovered ( I like this so much better than saying "vaccumed," and I do use a Hoover) the whole house;
• (Took One Deep Breath);
• Drove my mom and I to the market where I shopped for fresh fruit, veggies, and some treats for my work lunch tomorrow;
• Finished three of my haiku for aforementioned ODB;
• Tossed in one more load of laundry;
• Transcribed a tape of dictation from my boss;
• (Took One Deep Breath);
• Finished up three more haiku for ODB; responded to emails from blog friends;
• Prepared dinner (homemade pizza, one half with the works, the other half veggies only);
• Finished one last haiku for ODB;
• Took all laundry off the line; dressed the bed with sweet smelling sheets;
• (Took One Deep Breath);
• Husband's home - eat dinner with him and feed dogs;
• Try in vain to get a picture to post on blog; finally give up and post all haiku (pictureless) on ODB;
• (Took...)
• Clean up the kitchen, water all the flowers, and finally get the mail;
• At last, sit on the backporch with a cold chardonnay, watch the fireflies come out, and get some really great thoughts about a poem...

So here I am, several deep breaths later, still typing away. And, it's only four more hours until that Cuisinart coffee maker goes "click" and a new day begins...

Birthday Surprises

My dad just celebrated his 80th birthday, and on Saturday, I attended a surprise party given by his wife, his stepchildren, his stepgrandchildren, and a whole group of his friends that I had never met. If you had asked me 10 years ago whether I could have gone to a party like this, I would undoubtedly have answered "No *#$(@&* way!" But, age has a way of changing a person, and I guess we've both mellowed quite a bit in those intervening 10 years. So, I put on my game face, and showed up. He was well and truly surprised, and genuinely pleased at my presence.

Twenty years ago, 0n my dad's 60th birthday, my mother and I gave him a surprise birthday party. It was a little different than this one, but not a whole lot. About 25-30 members of his family, friends and business associates were there that day too. It was held in the dining room of the country club he had recently joined, instead of the lake front home of an old friend. He was totally and honestly surprised then as well. However, there were some notable differences in the two parties. At his 60th birthday party, my mother was the woman holding his hand during the toasts. When he opened gifts and cards, I was the one who jotted notes about who had given him what. And when he cut the cake, it was my 10 year old son, his only grandchild, who proudly helped him serve.

A lot has happened in the twenty years between those two parties. An affair that was meant to be kept secret was discovered. A 40 year marriage dissolved bitterly and acrimoniously. A young woman lost a lot of respect for her father, and a little boy lost the company of a grandfather he idolized.

For a long time, I guarded my pain and anger toward my father like a dog guards a bone. It was my power, my vindication, my strength. But about two years ago, I was gifted with the grace of forgiveness (which I wrote about here). So I was able to attend this surprise party, albeit with some moments of very bittersweet sadness, but also with some moments of genuine pleasure. No one was more surprised about that than I.

A Day of Emminent Beauty

This morning's view from my back porch

There was really nothing special about today - it was just an ordinary Wednesday (which actually felt like a Monday because of the extra long holiday weekend). But there was something so perfectly summerlike about it - the sky a glorious azure, nicely dotted with puffy white clouds, the breeze soft and refreshingly cool, the steam from the coffee cup I took onto the porch swirling exotically in front of my nose- that it seemed to have a mystical aura. As soon as I got to the office, I opened the window nearest my desk, and was treated to a riotous concert of birds all a-twitter, drowning out the monotonous sound of my tap-tapping fingers on the keyboard. We've had just enough rain this summer that our little avian friends can enjoy puddle baths on a daily basis, and their musical abilities have improved greatly because of it!

Over the past few years, there has been some discussion in our house about moving to Florida full time. After all, our only child has made his life there, and we already have a lovely, brand new home waiting for us. I admit that the winters here in the midwest can be brutally cold, gray, and interminaby long. I'm all for Florida in the winter, where most of the days feel a lot like today. But Florida in the summer - oh, it's really unpleasant. Hot heavy air, deluges of rain when you least expect it, and of course, the ever present threat of devastion from hurricanes.

So, sitting on my back porch enjoying the sunset on the waning hours of this astoundingly beautiful day in Michigan, I had a bit of an epiphany. I don't want to give up summers like these. I guess part of me will always be a "Michigander"- it's more home to me than I thought.