Adding Insult to Injury

In addition to all the paperwork to do for  the new house, now I’m embroiled in another cluster#*$% of paperwork associated with our rental property in Florida. Apparently the county re-drew land maps, and in this new rendering it appears that our entire gated community is located in a flood plain. Mind you, it really isn’t located in a flood plain, it just looks that way on the map. (Thanks bunches cartographers.)

Ergo, our nefarious mortgage lender (Bank of America) has decided we need to purchase extra flood insurance. Unless, of course, we can prove satisfactorily that the home is not going to be inundated with water the next time there’s a tropical storm in Southern Florida.

I bet you already know the rest of this story.

More paperwork.

First I have to obtain an Elevation Certificate (FEMA form 81-31). Then I have to include that certificate along with my application to FEMA for a LOMA (letter that states my house is not in danger of being flooded). Of course, along with the LOMA application and the Elevation Certificate I also must send along the following:

Copy of the effective FIRM panel on which the structure and/or property location has been accurately plotted; OR a Copy of the Subdivision Plat Map with recordation date and stamp of the Recorders Office; OR a Copy of the Property Deed with recordation date and stamp of the Recorders Office, accompanied by a tax assessor’s map or other certified map showing the surveyed location of the property relative to the local streets and watercourses. The map should include at least one street intersection that is shown on the FIRM panel.

I didn’t expect you to read all that drivel. Besides, if you’re anything like me you started laughing  crying hysterically after the first sentence. (FIRM panel? what’s that? sounds like something you’d find in my mother’s old Playtex girdle.)

Is it any wonder that people go postal?

I’ve about come to the conclusion that modern life is much too complicated for the likes of poor simpletons like me. I’m tempted to throw my hands in the air and say the hell with it, I’ll pay the extra $300 a year for flood insurance.

But no.

Sometimes I think that’s the whole point of these kinds of campaigns. The huge corporations and financial institutions (and yes, THE GOVERNMENT) figure if they make it hard enough we’ll just pay the extra money out of sheer frustration. It’s like when gas prices suddenly skyrocket. When it’s been $4.89/gallon, we’re actually happy to see it “down” to $4.00 (never mind that it was $3.50 two months ago. Thereby, they incrementally raise the prices ever higher, and we’re duped into thinking it isn't so bad.

I may be down in the paperwork wars, but I’m not out.

Watch out, FEMA. Here I come.